Nurturing a bond
by LovelessDestiny
Summary: Clint/Phil slash. mpreg. Sequel to 'Everlasting bond', or spinoff if you prefer. Clint got hit by Loki's magic and has to live with the consequences. Phil suffers from a midlife crisis and questions their relationship. They fight, they sort things out but life is life it's obviously not supposed to be easy. Love and friendship what else do you need to cope with life.
1. Loki

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own them.

Rating: T, to be safe.

Pairing: Clint/Phil

Warnings: MPREG, violence, swearing, magic, one case of domestic abuse, mention of the word abortion (no one gets one).

A./N.: I always wanted to write mpreg and Marvel is the perfect fandom with all its magic and mutations. It's the sequel to 'Everlasting bond', you can see it as a spinoff if you prefer to do so. The idea was born by a dream about Clint being pregnant and I edited 'talking at cross purposes' and stumbled over a scene I wrote. I was thinking what would have happened when he had lost control over himself instead of holding back.

I hope it turned out okay :)

Jeez, I accidently selected TV-Show, no idea how that happened but mistakes are possible at two in the morning.

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The morning started like so many others before. Loki decided to cause some mischief and terrorized half Manhattan with his versions of the Blob.

It took them hours to find a way to neutralize them but in the end Bruce developed a serum which decomposed these thingies without destroying half the city.

Clint and his dog Barney left their nest, shortly before they reached their friends a blue flash appeared on the bright blue sky. Hitting them.

"Clint," the shock of seeing his lover get hit by the flash made Phil gasp. It felt like his heart stopped for a few painful seconds before he was able to get his body into motion, hurrying up to his hurt husband, followed by his comrades. The archer was writhing on the ground while seizures cause him incredible pain. Barney was luckier and just unconscious, at least Phil hoped that was all that was wrong with their little friend.

"Clint," he took Clint into his arms. "Medics are on their way. You have to hang on, okay?" The pain within the bond was burning through Phil's body like a wildfire. "Hang on, do you hear me?"

He felt Clint nod against his chest, gasping in pain.

"Hush," Phil whispered, rocking back and forth. "You'll be okay."

"Loki?" Thor raged, "Where are you brother? What have you done to the Hawk?" There was no answer. Loki was long gone.

Tony tried to find a trace of the God with the aid of JARVIS but they couldn't find him either.

Steve took Clint's hand into his own, offering silent comfort.

Clint felt like he was vaporizing from within, the pain was unbearable. Not even his husband's panicked voice could help to focus on something else. He couldn't understand a single world Phil was saying but at least he wasn't alone. Phil would guide him through god knows what.

There was a hint of fear and comfort in the bond but the pain drowned out most of it.

He clutched Phil's shirt in his fist, while his other hand squeezed something strong and warm. He cried out in pain as his abdomen cramped awfully.

"Come on Clint," Phil sniffed softly. "Hang on."

"Buddy it's an order," Steve decided to say something. "Two more minutes."

They got the scare of their life the moment Clint passed out in their arms from the pain, "Is he...?" Tony whispered.

"He's still alive," Phil could feel his shallow breath against his chest and the slow rise and fall of his archer's ribcage.

Tony sighed with relief, "I'm too old for that." He muttered.

"Thor, find your damn brother," Phil gritted out. "Now."

"I'm on my way son of Coul," Thor swung his hammer and disappeared on the horizon.

"Take Barney," Phil clung tighter to his husband as he set eyes on the paramedics. "They're here," he kissed Clint's forehead. "Help is here."

They tended to Clint and put him on a gurney while Steve carried Barney to the ambulance. The paramedics weren't happy with him, for putting a dog in their ambulance, but Coulson's glare silenced them before they dared to say a word.

The ride to HQ was long and insufferable, "Five more minutes." He informed his sleeping asset, the fire still burned inside their minds, "Five more minutes."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Phil held his husband's hand for hours, the doctors said there wouldn't be lasting effects from the flash but his body needed time to recover from the trauma. The pain had been intense and drained Barton's energy reserves.

Phil kissed his lover's knuckles, "welcome back." He said gently as Clint began to move.

"Phil?" Clint forced his eyes open, waiting for the pain. But it was gone, all the agony he experienced hours before was gone, leaving him sore and tired. "What happened?"

"Loki zapped you with a blue flash, why we don't know," and it didn't matter as long as Clint was fine.

"Barney?" Clint tried to get up. Phil pinned him down, "Don't move so much," he warned. "Barney is fine, he was unconscious for a while but he's well and wide-awake. Don't worry, he's waiting for you at home."

Clint relaxed, "How are you?"

"You're the only one who got hurt," Phil listened to the bond. Clint was agitated and tired.

"I'm glad," the archer swallowed thickly. Phil was okay, that was all he needed to know. He closed his eyes and fell back asleep.

Phil caressed his lover's forehead for a long time, watching over him like a guardian angel. It was a close call, they could call themselves lucky that Loki was not in the mood to kill them or cause serious harm. Coulson bent forward until his upper body touched the mattress, he rested his head on his arms before he closed his eyes to get some sleep. He could feel Clint's body heat against his arms, reminding him that his archer was very much alive.

"Coulson," someone shook him. "Time to go home," it was Natasha.

"What time is it?" Phil stifled a yawn.

"11 a.m., Tuesday." She handed Clint's discharge papers over to Phil, "Sign them and we're out of here in no time."

Phil did as he was told before he woke up his husband to take him home. Clint was still tired but more than happy to leave medical.

"Hey buddy," he got down on his knees, ruffling Barney's soft fur. "How are you?"

"Woof," Barney barked loudly, wiggling his tail with joy. "Woof," he licked over Clint's cheek, telling him how glad he was that he was alright.

"Missed you too buddy," the blond got up. "Where is Cap?"

"I'm here," the super soldier yelled. His voice came from the kitchen. "Dinner is almost ready."

Clint walked into the kitchen. There was a huge amount of food on the table and a cake.

"Welcome back, hotshot," Tony gestured at an empty seat next to him. "How are you feeling? That was quite a shock."

"I'm fine, thanks for your concern," Clint huffed in amusement. "Are we having a party?"

"We celebrate your recovery, my young friend." Thor boomed, "you deserve it after what my brother has done to you."

"Thank you," the archer blushed. "Sit down Phil, you're making me nervous."

The agent took a beer out of the fridge and joined his husband. Dinner was loud and funny. They talked and talked and talked until nothing was left to say, and no story was left untold.

"Nope," Steve swatted Clint's hand away. "We do the dishes; you will rest while we do so."

"Yes, daddy," Clint rolled his eyes, feeling a hint of satisfaction at the way Steve blushed.

"Go, son." The super soldier shoved him gently out of the kitchen and into their handler's arms. "Take care of him, sir."

"Always," Phil wrapped an arm around Clint's middle and guided him into their room.

Clint changed into his sweats and got under their blanket. It wasn't even evening yet but he was too tired to stay awake any longer. Phil settled down next to him with his laptop on top of his thighs, "Sleep well."

"Don't work so much," Clint yawned. "Your paperwork will still be there in the morning."

"I want to finish my report today and move on. I don't want to live through the incident again tomorrow because I was too lazy to do it now."

"You will live through it anyway," Clint mumbled barely audible. The archer was right he would remember what happened today forever, and it would haunt him for a very long time.

"Try to sleep, don't worry about me. I'm fine as long as I have you by my side, alive and kicking." He stroke through Clint's soft hair with his free hand. His other hand flew over the keyboard, writing down what happened that day.

The final question was what did he expect to achieve by that? Why shooting a flash at Clint? Only to teach him a lesson? Was he still angry that Clint escaped his mind control?

"Stop thinking," Clint poked Phil in the side. "You're making me nervous."

"Sorry," he kissed Clint's forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Clint snuggled closer. "I love you, Phil."

The agent frowned a little at that, "I know."

"I don't say it often enough," he realized that he could have died, without telling Phil how much he meant to him. Sure they had their bond but it was no reason to neglect their verbal communication. It was the first time this week he used the three words.

"I love you too, just so you know." Phil put away his laptop and slipped under the blanket, pressing his body against Clint's. "You scared the hell out of me."

"I know," he could feel it between the pain. He still could feel it now, the echo of Phil's fright lingered between them. "I try not to do that again."

"Like you promised not to flirt with Alexander?"

Clint sighed, it was a onetime thing. No not even that. The kid had flirted with him and Clint had flirted back without realizing what exactly he did. The signals he sent were kinda confusing and he had to live with an angry Phil and a smitten fledgling for a while.

Phil was pretty insecure and it got worse the older Phil got. He turned fifty a few weeks ago and Clint could feel Phil's discontent. He was more jealous than he used to be, and he started to distrust him. He had never seen Phil as angry as after his communication accident with Alexander. Not even after Natasha joined S.H.I.E.L.D. all those years ago.

He had yelled at Clint, asking him if he intended to replace him with someone younger, if he got bored with their marriage. What saved them in the end was their bond. Clint was able to persuade him that all the love in his heart was reserved for him, and for him only.

There was no one else Clint would rather have in his life. He belonged to Coulson and that was final. "It was an accident. I was in a good mood and didn't realize what was happening. People flirt with you all the time."

"But I never flirt back," that stung. Clint flinched at the venom in his lover's voice.

"Phil?" The archer sat up, avoiding body contact, "What changed?"

"What do you mean?"

"I love you, you love me but since when do you doubt us?" It was never an issue since they found their balance.

"I don't doubt us," Phil denied.

"You do," there was desperation in Clint's voice. "I don't know why. I am who I am and you always loved me that way, why can't you love me anymore the way I am?"

"I never stopped loving you," Phil said offended. "I just have the feeling you don't desire me anymore."

"More sex, is that what you want?" Clint straddled his lover, anger in his eyes, "because I can do that. I love touching you."

"It's not that," Phil placed his hand on Clint's chest, moving it up and down his broad chest.

"What is it then?" Clint bent forward, capturing his handler's lips.

"I'm getting old," Phil confessed barely audible.

"And so am I," Clint breathed against his lover's swollen lips. "We grow old together and I will still adore you when your ninety and wrinkled like a raisin."

Phil grabbed his archer's firm buttocks, pulling him closer against his body until their hard-on's touched. Clint moaned into Phil's mouth at the contact, "undress. Now."

Phil helped Clint out of his shirt before he got rid of his own. Clint turned his lover on by preparing himself before he rode him, until the stoic agent screamed his lover's name, begging for more.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Clint didn't feel well for a while now. He thought he might have caught the flu but his morning sickness didn't fit the symptoms. He was on the verge of freaking out. Hiding his anxiety from Phil got more and more difficult. Their relationship was alright since their little talk and the mind blowing sex but that was no reason to burden his busy lover with his problems. Not until it was absolutely necessary.

"Clint," Phil called out. "Where are you?"

"I'm coming," he yelled back before he flushed the toilet and rinsed his mouth with mouthwash.

"Are you alright?" Phil studied his lover, "You're pale."

"I think I caught a bug, don't worry," the archer buried his fear deep within his mind in hope Phil would never find it but the narrowed glare he got spoke volumes. Phil wasn't happy with him for hiding his emotions.

"Make an appointment with George after we kicked some Hydra asses, understood?"

"Yes, sir." Clint suppressed the urge to salute.

"And be careful, I can't be there today."

"We will be fine, don't worry. I'm an Avenger."

"Somehow your statement worries me even more," the older agent smiled before he left for work after a long and sweet goodbye kiss.

"Hawkeye, report." Steve ran around, kicking asses and didn't even sound out of breath.

Clint envied him for that, "Iron Man is fine, grilling agents. Sadly, Hulk tore down the wall of a mall, but I'm sure Tony will pay for that."

"Hey," Iron Man nagged. "Not my mall pal, Justin has to pay for it by himself."

Hawkeye chuckled, "Thor is nowhere to be seen, and Natasha started a killing spree. Watch out Cap," Clint shot two Hydra agents with one arrow.

"Thanks," Steve took a deep breath.

"You're welcome," the archer studied his surroundings. Everything seemed under control as a strange flutter appeared within his stomach, sending a strange wave through the bond. He could feel Phil's surprise and worry at the change of the mood. Clint was sure it wasn't his own, he couldn't even put a name on it, and it wasn't Phil's the older man was just as surprised as he was. Clint placed a hand on top of his belly, waiting for something unusual but the bond remained quiet.

Clint decided to pay Dr. George Roe a visit.

"Barton, what can I do for you?" The older man put down his clipboard and focused his whole attention on his guest. It was rare that the archer came to medical on his own accord.

"I don't feel well and, ..., I'm worried."

"Symptoms?"

"Sickness in the morning, a strange fluttering in my belly. I'm tired and lack some motivation to get up in the morning," he almost stuttered.

The doctor gave him a strange look, "I have to draw some blood."

"Do you know what it is?"

"Would you be a woman, yes." He joked, making Clint even more nervous.

"How long?"

"Two hours, I know what I'm searching for and your blood work is my top priority. Okay?"

"Thank you, Roe." Clint stayed where he was, he wasn't in the mood to wander around HQ. And he absolutely wanted to avoid his husband.

Waiting drove him nuts but one of the nurses was so kind to give him a crossword puzzle to solve.

"Clint," his doc returned with a grave expression.

"Do I have to die?"

"What? No, no my friend. I talked with Dr. Bryant and we came to the conclusion that Loki's attack had a deeper meaning than stunning you."

"What do you mean?"

The older man gave him a kind smile and took Clint's hand, he placed Clint's hand on his abdomen, "You're pregnant. There is a little child beneath your palm."

Clint's jaw dropped, "How?"

"Loki made you partly a woman, you have an uterus and a small passage way for the semen to reach your ovum. You gonna be a daddy, congratulation."

"I-, oh my, I'm, a daddy?" Clint stuttered, not able to form a coherent sentence. How was he supposed to tell Coulson that? His husband was going to kill him.

"I prescribe a few pills and I want to see you again in two week. Take it easy and be a good little sniper and stay out of harm's way, deal?"

"Deal," Clint agreed, "Don't tell anyone."

"Don't worry it's on you to tell him about the baby."

"Thank you, doc," Clint grabbed his stuff and headed home after an ultrasound scan. He was even more scared than before. But to see the little 'smudge' on the monitor made it real and it kind of warmed his heart despite the fear.

Phil was waiting for him when he returned home, "Where have you been?"

"Obeying your order and bug our medical stuff," Clint took off his jacket.

"What did they say?" Phil frowned at the nervousness his lover radiated. What was all that about?

"Nothing serious just a stomach bug," Clint lied. "I have to take it easy for a few days."

"That's all?" His lover was lying, he could feel it in the bond.

"That's all," Clint faked a smile before he took a towel out of the cabinet. "I'm back in ten."

"Don't hurry, I have a lot of work to do," Phil stared at his laptop, typing angrily.

Clint knew how much his lie angered his husband but he wasn't ready to tell him about her. Don't ask why he just knew he carried a baby girl. He could feel it, she was telling him who she was in her own unique way.

Barton braced his hands on the tiles while the hot water hit his back, "You're real." He whispered to his baby. "You're not a dream, are you?" There was a barely noticeable flutter.

"I can't believe it," he closed his eyes, taking deep calming breaths. "Don't worry, kid. I'm not getting rid of you. I might be scared out of my mind, but you're born out of love and I don't give up such a gift. If I wanted it or not. I take care of you baby gal, no matter what your dad says about it. Damn, we have to tell him." Clint sighed, placing his palm on his belly, _I'm going insane, I'm talking to a bunch of cells inside me. I can't tell him. What if he doesn't want you? What if he doesn't want children with me? What if he doesn't want kids at all? Will he put up with us because he's such a honorable man? Or will he be happy?... I can do it, I can do it._

Clint turned off the water and returned to their bedroom, Phil was still busy with his reports. Purposely avoiding him.

Clint lay down on the bed, watching Phil for ten minutes before he turned his back on the older man. Phil was obviously not interested in him at the moment. His husbands rejection hurt, deeply. All his motivation to tell him about their baby faded away. He closed his eyes and fell into an uneasy sleep.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Slow down man, you're eating for three." Tony snatched the plate of pancakes away from Clint, "I'm hungry too."

"Sorry," Clint chided himself for not being careful.

"You gained some wait," Tony poked him in the side. "Getting chubby?"

Phil raised a brow at Tony's comment but remained silent. The billionaire was right his husband gained weight.

"I'm not," Clint whined. "I'm a healthy not so young man with an awesome metabolism."

"Nope, you're getting fat," Tony smirked. Clint flipped him off, stealing the remaining pancakes while Stark was unprepared.

"Hey," he pouted.

A moderate A.I.M invasion put an end to their breakfast. A.I.M. placed a bomb inside a apartment complex. The Avengers had to work fast or else many families would die.

Clint was less than happy to enter the building while he carried his unborn child under his heart. The explosion wouldn't kill him alone, it would kill both of them.

"Hawkeye, report." Phil sensed Clint's hesitation.

"Two more families on my floor, sir. We should leave," the risk was too high.

"We've got ten more minutes, Hill's men try to defuse the bomb. With some luck we can save them all," Phil barked out a few orders before he picked up their conversation again. "Since when do you care if you survive or not anyway."

"That's low, sir. Even for you, I don't have a death wish. I come home every god damn time, cut me some slack." Clint felt his anger rise. _Sorry_, he thought, rubbing over his belly. Roe told him that stress was not a good thing, especially in his case. He was a man after all, his body wasn't meant to carry a child.

"Woof," Barney pulled on his leg, dragging him along the corridor.

"Did you find someone?" Clint asked absentminded.

"Woof."

Clint followed his friend until he found the source of his distress, there was a child. The young boy hid in a niche, curled up into a shivering ball. "Hey pal, I get you out of here, okay?" Clint offered him his hand, "I promise."

Barney nudged the kid until he moved towards Clint, taking the archer's hand. He led the boy and one of the families to safety before he hurried back to check on the last apartment.

It was empty, "5th floor, clear." He reported.

"Evacuation accomplished, get out of there," Coulson sounded stressed.

Hawkeye ran down the stairs and had to stop for a minute between the third and second floor. "Come on baby girl, don't do that. Not now." Her agitation was suffocating him. "Hush," he whispered.

"Good girl," he switched his radio back on and started to run. Coulson yelled in his ear, panicking as the timer of the bomb reached zero.

Clint jumped out of a window on the first floor, sliding down the fire ladder. "I'm fine, sir." He was out of breath and tired but unharmed.

"Return to base," Coulson ordered. He was scared enough without having Clint around him. He almost lost his lover. Phil hated himself for accusing Clint of having a death wish.

Clint left the scene with a heavy heart. He had at least two hours until Phil returned to base so he paid Dr. Roe a visit.

"How are you?"

"She's stubborn," he rubbed his belly. It grew into a habit. He loved feeling her beneath his hand.

"Like her daddies," he cluck his tongue. "Have you told him about her yet?"

"No," he knew he should but it wasn't easy to find the right moment and the right words.

Nick knew, only because he had to but their secret was safe with him.

"You can't hide her forever," George checked his blood pressure and heartbeat.

"Are you sure you're alright?" His friend's heartbeat was too fast.

"A little stressed, nothing to worry about."

"Don't overdo it, call me immediately if something seems off."

"Yes, sir." Clint's mood lightened and he was able to smile. Not one of his broad ones but a happy smile nonetheless.

"See you next week," he patted Clint's shoulder before he left.

"Agent Barton," a nurse slipped into the elevator with him. The medical staff knew about his condition but they had to remain silent. It was a direct order from the director.

"Miss," he greeted.

"We talked about you during our break," she looked apologetic, "and Dr. McKay runs a prenatal class for S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and we thought you might be interested to join. A friend of mine attends her class and says it's the best decision she ever made." The nurse smiled shyly, "here." She gave him a business card.

"Thank you," he gave her an honest smile. "I'll think about it."

At that exact moment the elevator door opened, and Phil stood right in front of them, glaring daggers at them.

"A-agent Coulson," she stuttered and fled the elevator.

"It's not what you think," Clint could feel his lover's inner turmoil.

"What am I thinking?"

"What a cheating bastard your husband is," Clint left with a sad expression. Phil didn't stop him.

Clint met with Alexander after the briefing, it was more a coincident than an actual meeting.

"How's Paul?" It was nice to forget his problems for a while.

"He's fine, he's in Prague. I miss him."

"I know how you feel," he truly did. "No matter what people say, you don't get used to it."

"Nice to hear the truth for once," Alexander pulled Clint into a brief hug. "See you."

"Bye," Clint nursed his coffee. He could feel Phil's gaze on him. "No questions?"

"No," Phil turned around and left.

"Damn it," Clint hit the table with his fist. "I hate my life."

A soft flutter reminded him that he was not alone in it. "Sorry, baby. Forgive your daddy."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Hey Clint," Steve entered the living room with a bowl of popcorn in his hand.

"Hey, ol' man."

"You don't look good," Steve forced the archer to sit down. "Pacing up and down the room won't help."

Clint did as he was told, his whole emotional world was a mess. His baby broadcasted comfort while his husband broadcasted doubt and anger.

"What happened between you two," Steve brushed his shoulder against Clint's to offer comfort.

"He doubts me," Clint put his arms around his middle. "I don't know why, but since his birthday he,..., he thinks I will leave."

"Bullshit," Steve huffed. The archer was devoted to the agent. "Nothing is strong enough to part you guys."

"Jealous?"

"Maybe," Steve grinned, directing a loving glance at Tony.

Phil snuck into the living room, taking a seat next to Natasha. The distance broke Clint's heart.

"We have to talk," Clint got up. "I-I have to tell you something." _Now or never_.

"What do you want?" The agent's tone was cold.

"I-, god, I don't know how to tell you that," Clint's mixed feelings pushed Phil over the edge.

_Guilt, shame, fright,_ "Are you cheating on me?" _What else provokes such feelings?_

Clint's eyes shimmered wetly, "No, I'm pregnant." The silence was deafening.

"You're what?" Phil moved closer his expression darkened. "Say that again?"

"I'm pregnant, Doc Roe says Loki changed me. Medical gave their okay after the attack because no one thought about checking out my organs." He rambled, taking a shaky breath.

Clint held Phil's gaze and the anger inside his husbands eyes scared him deeply, "Phil?"

Coulson did something he, or Clint, never thought possible, his arm moved on his own accord and his fist connected with his husbands jaw, splitting his lip.

Clint hung his head in shame, the time had come. He was on the receiving end again. He felt a huge part of his heart die, the archer licked the blood from his lip. He wasn't defending himself, he just defended his belly by wrapping his arms protectively around his middle.

He patiently waited for Phil to land the next hit, they never leave it at one. They hit until he could barely move. Cursing, yelling, hitting and kicking until he stopped moving.

To his surprise Phil backed away from him, "I'm infertile," he hissed. His emotions were twisted, he hated himself for being so weak as to hit his husband on the other hand he was angry beyond words. The shame Clint felt was a confirmation for him. "I never told you because children of our own were never an issue."

"I never cheated on you," tears streamed down Clint's face. His eyes were empty, no life, no anger, nothing was left in them. He was lost in a past he hoped would never come after him. "She's yours, and mine." It was almost a whisper, "She's ours."

"Get the hell out of my life," Phil panted. "How dare you...? I trusted you and you cheated on me. I loved you." The agent turned around and left the communal floor. He punched the wall of the elevator, "No." He squeezed his eyes shut, suppressing the flood of tears that threatened to fall.

"You're pregnant?" Natasha got up, eying her friend suspiciously. "Can I?" She avoided to address his fall out with Phil, he needed something else to focus on.

He nodded, his arms went limp. She let out a noise of awe while she touch the little bump, "A girl? Isn't it too early to see that?"

"She told me," Clint sounded absent. "She's not happy with me."

"She's just upset because her daddies got into a fight," Natasha said lightly. "It's not your fault."

"I should have told him sooner, but I didn't know how." _And how is it possible if Phil is really infertile?_

"Clint be honest with us son. Is that truly agent Coulson's child?" Steve stared thoroughly at the archer, analyzing every move.

The question broke Clint's heart even more, he thought Steve would trust him. Tony doubted him too, he could see it in his eyes. His family lost their trust in him.

Clint gasped, pressing a hand against his heart. His heart hurt, like daggers hitting it again and again. He bent forward fighting for each breath, "No, no," he rasped. C_alm down Clint, you're hurting your girl, calm down. _He repeated it like a mantra inside his head. "Don't touch me," he took short shallow breaths.

"You need a doctor," Natasha dialed the S.H.I.E.L.D. version of 911.

"No," he took a deep breath, and a second, and a third. "I'm fine," his panic-attack subsided.

"Clint you should..."

He didn't listen to her, his only goal was to reach his floor without further trouble. It was time to move on, he should have known it would end like this. He was a Barton after all.

"Clint wait," he heard Steve yell but he didn't stop.

He let out a sigh of relief the moment he reached his safe haven. Phil wasn't home, it was not a big surprise.

The archer walked into their bedroom and sat down on their bed, inhaling Phil's unique scent.

He rested his elbows on his knees, before he fidgeted nervously with his hands.

Clint let his tears flow freely, giving in to his pain and sorrow.


	2. Fall out

Phil demanded to get a check up, including his fertility. Roe gave him a funny look but Coulson's mood was too dark to risk a cheeky comment.

He slept in HQ for two days until his test results arrived. While he 'lived' at HQ he took the chance to hunt down the nurse who gave Clint her number. To his surprise she denied flirting with his husband. She swore that she gave him Dr. McKay's card because prenatal classes are very important in her opinion and it was a coincident that she was the one to deliver the info. It could have been every nurse. She wasn't scared of him anymore and tore him a new one for being stupid, with all due respect of course. On his second day in HQ he met Alexander, the kid beamed like the sun, grinning like an idiot. Maria told him that his boyfriend returned unharmed from a mission in Prague and he was going to propose to Paul in the near future.

That made Phil feel guilty. It seemed like Clint was honest, and faithful.

He slumped down in his chair, opening the test results, he was shocked. There was absolutely no problem with his little soldiers. He was able to father children. "How is that possible?"

"Could it be that Loki's magic fixed your problem down there? I mean the spear was filled with a lot of magic," Natasha appeared out of nowhere, startling him.

"Possible," he said thoughtful. "She's mine?" He asked himself, he had trouble believing that a baby was on its way, his baby.

"I'm pretty sure she is," Natasha knew Clint too well to believe that he was unfaithful.

"I fucked up. How do I apology? For hitting him. Tasha I hit him, I can't believe I did that. I vowed to never hurt him. How could I...? It's like a bad dream." Every time he closed his eyes he could see Clint with his split lip and dead eyes, waiting for more. The expression of resignation didn't belong on his archer's face.

"That's the reason I'm here," her tone hardened. "He hides in your apartment but JARVIS won't let us in. We're worried."

Phil felt a pang of guilt, "I'm on my way." He grabbed his car keys and sprinted out of HQ.

He ignored every law on his way home but didn't get caught, "Clint?" He closed the door behind him. "Love, where are you?"

Phil searched every room but Clint was nowhere to be seen. His final destination was their bedroom. "Clint?"

Coulson felt like someone sucker punched him. Clint's belongings were gone. The picture on his nightstand. His favorite blanket. Most of his clothes. His favorite book. Barney! "CLINT!" He yelled in hope the archer was close by. In the vents for example. But he wasn't.

"Where are you?" He panicked. It was all his fault. His sadness, his sorrow. Clint was devastated, he could feel it with every fiber of his being. He hurried to the communal floor, "Have you seen him?"

Steve looked confused.

"Clint is gone. He moved out of our apartment, so have you any idea where he could be?" Phil rushed.

"No," the soldier shook his head. "TONY," he yelled, "we need JARVIS's help."

"What happened?" The billionaire was covered in oil and grease from his newest project.

"Clint ran away," he felt like a father looking for his teenage boy. His very pregnant teenage boy.

"Give me a minute," Tony turned on his heels, yelling commandos at his AI while he tapped mercilessly on his StarkPad.

Natasha eyed them from afar, she was angry that Clint left without a word but Bruce was right she shouldn't be surprised at all.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Thank you Nick," Clint entered the safe house. Two bedrooms, living room, spacious kitchen and bath.

"Stay as long as you want," the director pushed him gently inside. His hand never left Clint's back, "do you need anything?"

"A new credit card and name," Clint thought about asking Nick for help for a long time. Without his baby he would have left the city, probably returning to the street, but that wasn't a life for her. She needed food, warmth and protection. He needed a home to provide all that, not a dirty back alley. In addition to that he needed S.H.I.E.L.D. to deliver her, he couldn't simply walk into a public hospital and ask for a gynecologist because he's gone into labor. He needed people he could trust, he needed people with experience handling anomalies. And he trusted the doctors at S.H.I.E.L.D. enough to put the life of his child into their hands.

Fury handed an envelope over to his friend, "William Brandt. Analyst and part-time member of S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Me? An analyst? Whom do you want to get killed under my watch?" Clint joked halfheartedly.

"You have enough experience to do an awesome job. You're able to think like an analyst you just have to learn to act like one," the older man lectured. The sadness in his boy's eyes tore on his heart.

"Thank you, sir."

"I won't tell him anything but I'd prefer that you sort your problems out before anyone gets seriously hurt. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Thinking about Phil felt like a punch to the gut. "Do you doubt Maria?"

"What?"

"She's younger than you, do you ever doubt her loyalty?"

"Sometimes," Nick confessed, "Especially when young agents try to hit on her. I'm old Clint, and not as pretty and athletic as I used to be. Sometimes I wake up next to her and have absolutely no idea what she's seeing in me."

"I don't understand why," it was difficult to understand because love was strong and not bound by looks. Every adult should know that.

"I don't understand it either," the director shrugged. "I never lacked self-esteem but love is a difficult thing. I'm scared of losing her. Don't tell anyone," he warned. Clint shook his head.

"Deep down I know she will stay by my side but logic tells me that I'm the wrong choice. She needs someone younger, stronger."

"Is that what Phil is feeling?" The question wasn't directed at Fury but the director answered anyway, "I think so."

"She needs him," he rubbed his belly. "He will be a better father than I could ever be." Clint never learned how to raise a child or how to care for someone so fragile. He needed years to learn how to care for Phil and Nat, his baby did not have years to spare. He needed to do it right from the beginning.

"Does she have a name yet?" Nick placed a hand on his friend's belly, curious of how it felt to have a baby blooming inside of you.

"I'm not sure yet." He thought about Natalia, Katie, Nicole, Rose,... It felt wrong to choose without Phil, she was his girl too.

"I have to go back," Nick looked at his phone. "Be careful."

"Yes, sir," Clint promised. He walked around the apartment for a while, inspecting every room, before he fell asleep on the couch. Emotionally drained but with a tiny spark of hope in his belly.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

His new job was boring. Fury provided him with Intel and he had to figure out their enemy's next step, preferably without getting agents killed. Once a week the director left an envelope on his living room table with information about the Avengers. He knew most of the things in the report because journalists were following them everywhere they went.

Phil looked tired the last time he got a glimpse of him on the news, lurking in the shadows while Tony signed pictures of him for his fans after destroying half of central park.

Three weeks but they felt like ages. Phil's part of the bond was constantly filled with anger and pain. The older man was obviously still angry at him for being secretive.

Clint opened the file, "Hydra," he said to himself. Madam Hydra got caught raiding a military lab developing meds to strengthen their soldiers.

Clint was sure they had a higher goal than stealing meds and kill scientists. _Madam Hydra does not get caught so easily. What are you planning? They brought her to big house. _

Barton opened the files about all the agents working there, analyzing their behavior, their habits, social contacts outside of work. His next step was to check out who exactly spent their sentence there. How long? What crime? Organizations? Talents?

He didn't like what he found, "That's not good." Clint called his boss immediately, "Sir, we've got a problem."

Nick showed up thirty minutes after the call, "What did you find, kid?"

"They will try to free the prisoners." He showed Fury the information he gathered, explaining why the guards Anderson and Dunkirk had a reason to collaborate with Madam Hydra to free Doc Ock and Reaper, and most likely all of them while they're at it.

"Good work," the director praised before he called Maria to inform her about Hydra's plan to free the prisoners. "Come up with a counterattack, pick me up in thirty. You know where I am."

"What's the plan now?" Clint played with the pen in his hand.

"Arresting a few guards, free their families and transfer Madam Hydra to Siberia," Nick sat down next to Clint.

"That's it?"

"Should there be more?"

"You will call him, am I right? They will handle the matter."

"Yes, Coulson is the best choice to handle the op. We need heroes to keep the villains at bay. Our agents alone don't stand a chance. And you," he pointed at Clint, "will stay away from trouble, do you understand? I don't want to see you anywhere near a battle. I give a damn if A.I.M. or Hydra knock down the neighbor building or come knocking on your door. I expect you to run and hide. No good deeds nor heroics, did I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir." They both knew Clint's agreement was a lie. He would jump headfirst into danger the moment trouble came looking for him.

"Think of your girl. She needs you to be healthy," Nick took a deep breath. Clint wasn't his old shiny self. He was serious, rarely smiled and handled paperwork like a pro, he was on his best way to become a second Coulson. Fury shivered at the thought.

"How is he?" Clint lowered his gaze, still playing with the pen.

"Tired. He's looking for you, day in and day out. He makes himself sick by running himself into the ground," there was a melancholy in Nick's voice Clint wasn't used to.

"You can tell him that he can see his girl once she's born. I'm not intending to part them, he has every right to be her dad." His baby needed both her dads, it wasn't fair to keep Phil away from her, being sired wasn't her fault. She was created with love, a lot of love back then.

"You can tell him that yourself, I'm not playing messenger. But parental rights aren't his main concern right now. He's looking for his husband, not for his child alone."

Clint huffed, "She's still inside of me of course he has to find me to get close to her."

Nick let out a frustrated sigh, "Believe it or not but he wants his husband back."

The archer remained silent, did Phil truly miss him? His feelings indicated otherwise.

"Stop nibbling on your bottom lip, you're making me nervous." Fury got up, ready to leave, "I give you a call after the op is over."

Clint nodded his consent, "Take care of him, okay?"

Nick left without a word.

"Come on baby girl time to eat," his grumbling stomach put an end to his musing. "Let's make pasta, I've got doughnuts for dessert they're your dad's favorite." There was a sense of longing and he rubbed his palm up and down his belly, "I miss him too." Barney nudged his leg, offering comfort. "Hey buddy, sleep well?"

"Woof," Barney looked up at his friend. He could smell his sadness and distress.

"Good," Clint stroke Barney's soft fur. "Thank you, my friend. What would I do without you?"

Barney tilted his head and licked Clint's hand, "Woof, wo-oof." _I'll take care of you_.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Phil wandered through HQ's corridors like a ghost. He even stopped snapping at junior agents. He was paler than normal and he lost weight. His eyes lost their sparkle and the dark rings beneath his eyes showed how worn out he truly was no matter what he said.

He spent far too much time at S.H.I.E.L.D, he couldn't stand their apartment since Clint left. The archer's scent still lingered in the air, the apartment was so silent and empty it almost physically hurt to be there. Loneliness was eating its way through his soul, not even the bond could help getting a sense of belonging.

Clint was sad, every day. Sometimes the archer radiated a little happiness and Phil was sure their baby made him feel that way. Roe avoided talking to him, he was angry at him for causing Clint so much stress. No one down in medical gave him info's about his husband's and baby's welfare, that grated on his nerves. He wanted nothing more than storm into medical, show his badge and order them to spill the truth but he couldn't do that. It wasn't work related and absolutely not his business in the eye of the medical staff.

It was his own fault, he let Clint down after he took all his courage together to tell him about the child. _She, Clint said the baby is a she._ Instead of touching the belly, feeling the life they created, he ran. Clint had a hard time coping with his condition and Phil had nothing better to do than jump to wrong conclusions, hit him and leave.

"You got a hint?" Phil entered Nick's office without knocking.

"One of our analysts figured out their plan," Nick studied his friend. Phil's eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot. "When was the last time you slept?"

"Around ten hours ago," Phil stated.

"Let me rephrase my question, when was the last time you slept more than three hours. Passing out doesn't count."

Phil opened his mouth to give Fury an answer but he couldn't, he couldn't remember the last time he got a descent night's sleep.

"Thought so," the director gave him a file. "That's your last mission for a while my friend. This has to stop or I'll lose both of you."

That got Phil's attention, "What's with him? Nick, tell me!"

"He's fine, physically."

Phil felt his legs going weak and had to sit down, "I have no idea where he is. I looked everywhere I could think of. His birth town, his old orphanage, I tracked a few circuses down, I visited our cabin, I'm on my wits end." He buried his face in his hands.

"You don't have to travel that far," Nick patted him on the shoulder.

"You know where he is?" Phil realized.

Nick tapped against the file he gave Phil earlier, the agent's eyes widened, "The analyst?"

Phil searched for the name of the analyst, turning each page with shaky hands. Tony and JARVIS had lost Clint's trace the night he vanished. Clint Barton stopped existing but what got them worried was that none of his aliases showed any activities. Cross, Kitsom, Gamble, James, Coughlin, D'Agastino, Prigusivac, Jennings, they all were still inactive. Clint build himself a new life under an alias Phil knew nothing about. It had hurt to know that Clint actually had alias he knew nothing about.

"There is no name," Phil hissed through his teeth. "How am I supposed to find him without a name?"

"I promised not to tell you about his whereabouts," Nick opened his door, "all I can say is that he's still in town and under my protection. He will find you once the baby is born."

"What?" _After she's born? But he's pregnant now. His pregnancy is a miracle. He can't do this alone. He needs me. he needs help, and protection. Our baby is growing and I'm not around to share the experience. _

"She needs you and Clint will not deny you your rightful place in your daughter's life," the director left.

Nick could hear Phil scream with rage after he closed the door to his own office, leaving his hurt friend behind with a heavy heart.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Steve sat on Clint's favorite spot on the couch. He missed his boy. It was silent without him, sure Thor and Tony were loud enough for ten Clint's but it was not the same kind of noisy.

The archer was cheerful, his voice carried happiness through the whole tower with each word that passed his lips. Clint's eyes held so much life it made the old soldier feel alive himself.

Tony became awfully quiet after Clint left. He said he was okay but Steve knew better than that. Stark was not okay and he wouldn't be until they find their missing friend. Tony spent most of his time in his lab, tinkering with his armor and weapon upgrades. Steve spied a few blueprints with ideas for a nursery on his workbench but didn't comment on it, Tony was depressed enough without him forcing him to talk.

Natasha spent most of her time with Bruce treasuring what they had. It seemed she was scared to lose her lover just like Clint had. All those years the archer was the best example that dreams came true, even for assassins, but within the blink of an eye his life crumbled like a house of cards. Bruce took every opportunity to show her that their relationship wasn't meant to fail. He promised that they would find Clint and before she knew it the world would be right again.

She let him talk but deep in her heart she knew that he couldn't keep his promises. They were heroes, agents, their life was dangerous. Enemies could easily plant the seed of distrust in their hearts, Skrulls, Mutants, they all were capable of doing so. Phil and Clint proved that the worst enemies are the people around you, the people you love most.

"Hey Phil," Steve tilted his head to look at the agent. He recognized his footsteps, it was strange how easy it was to recognize people by the noises they made.

"Nick has a job for us," he waved with a file.

"What happened?" Steve frowned, the expression on Coulson's face was more than worrying.

"Clint is still in New York, that's all I know," he took the seat opposite Cap.

"How...?"

"Nick told me so."

"I have to tell Tony..."

"Wait," Phil stopped his childhood hero before he could get up. "We don't have a name, we will never find him without one."

Steve's expression fell, the hint of joy disappeared instantly, "What are we supposed to do?"

"Wait," Phil rubbed his eyes. He was tired. "Read the file," he ordered.

Rogers hesitated for a second before he took the file, reading each page carefully.

"Their new analyst is good," Steve praised. "He or she put a lot of effort in it," he sent Tony a text ordering him to send out the assemble signal.

"Clint."

"What?" Shock was written all over the super soldier's face.

"Fury hinted that Clint is now an analyst. He put the pieces together."

"I knew he's smart but that is awesome," Steve caressed the top of the folder. "We will find him. It's not home without him."

Phil smiled sadly, "no it's not." They got up and met their fellow teammates on the roof.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Phil got hit by debris as Hulk smashed a nearby wall by throwing a car against it. His shoulder burned like fire. He couldn't remember much between getting hit and waking up in medical.

To his surprise he felt a familiar pair of eyes on him. He looked around but couldn't find his husband. Phil was sure he wasn't imagining things.

Clint read a book as a sharp pain penetrated his chest, it was shock mixed with pain. He knew instantly that Phil got hurt as the bond weakened. He threw his book aside and drove to HQ, entering the building via the air vents. It wasn't as easy as it used to be with his swollen belly but he was desperate enough to manage even narrow passages.

He knew the way to medical by heart, he just had to find the right room. Phil was alive that much was sure but the question was how long? How bad was he hurt?

Clint had to wait for half an hour, he learned that he arrived in medical before Phil. The paramedics brought him into room 3, where a doctor and three nurses waited for him.

They checked him over and decided that Phil needed surgery to fix the broken bone in his arm and stitch up the deep cut on his shoulder. Luckily his collarbone was still intact, even though a large bruise covered most of the left side of his collarbone.

He could see Steve and Tony beneath him pacing the floor, waiting for news. Natasha joined them fifteen minutes later. She had a split lip and a purple bruise on her jaw.

Bruce looked like he kicked a puppy, he apologized to her over and over for accidently hurting Phil.

Clint rolled onto his back within the vent. Bracing his arms against the cold metal, carrying all his weight, was strenuous in the long run. He couldn't lie on his stomach anymore without hurting his baby. The worry inside his heart was gnawing at him and disturbed his little girl.

She didn't know what was happening around her, she wasn't big enough to understand her daddies emotions but she knew that they made her nervous. It wasn't nice, it didn't make her feel good. She wanted to feel good, to feel the warm and fuzzy feeling her daddy felt whenever he talked to her.

"Hush," he rubbed his belly. He felt sick and her agitation didn't help at all. "He will be fine," he let out a pained grunt. His stomach ached, it wasn't the first time and Roe told him that it had nothing to do with her wellbeing. His body needed time to adjust to the changes. He was a man after all. "No panic attack sweetheart. I promise." He took deep calming breaths, focusing on their bond.

Clint let out a sigh of relief as the nurse informed them that agent Coulson would be fine. He robbed through the vent until he reached the right room, he lay down on his side and watched his sleeping husband through the grids.

The Avengers took shifts watching over Coulson, they talked to him even though he was sedated. They were incredible happy the moment he opened his pretty blue eyes, Clint's heart skipped a beat.

"You got us worried for a while," Natasha held his hand.

"How bad?" He croaked out, his throat felt raw.

"Nothing PT can't cure," Tony answered for her. "We have to work on a uniform for you."

"Don't need one," Phil blinked a few times to clear his vision.

"I'm sorry Phil," Bruce stood close to the door, ready to bolt.

"Don't do it again, please," the agent kept his sleepy voice light. "I want to live a little longer."

The sense of shock took him by surprise but he was too tired to think further about it.

"Sleep," Natasha brushed her lips against his forehead. "See you later."

He feel back asleep, safe under his husbands watchful gaze.

His mind was less fuzzy the next time he awoke and that was the moment he realized Clint was close. "Clint?"

The archer remained silent, Phil was fine that was all that mattered. He got onto his knees ready to leave as Phil called out for him.

"Don't go," his husband's voice was tainted by desperation. "Don't leave me."

Clint squeezed his eyes shut, damn hormones, damn bond, they made him feel like crying. He had to get away. It was time to go home, leaving Phil in the care of his friends.

He could hear a sob echoing through the vent, it wasn't his own.

Phil rubbed angrily at his tears, feeling lost.


	3. Make up

Barney strolled around the apartment, sniffing around. Clint was still sad and depressed, that made him sad too. It wasn't fun around here, he missed the huge blond, the crazy engineer, the color changing guy, even though he's scary, and the red-head who rubbed his belly every time they watched a movie. But he missed Phil most, his smile, the way he made Clint smile and his love. The older man loved Barney very much and Barney adored him.

He gave him a home and people to love.

Barney watched his friend for a long time before he made a decision. He jumped on the door handle and opened the door with his nose. The only problem was to close the door, he couldn't leave Clint behind without protection, or at least a closed door.

"Woof," he barked loudly. "Woof, woof."

Clint stirred blinking in Barney's direction, "Do you have to pee?" He asked half asleep.

"Woof, " Barney would have rolled his eyes if he were human.

"I'm coming," the archer got up, stretching his back. Wincing as his joints popped back in place.

Barney had different plans, once Clint reached the door he stormed down the corridor, hurrying down the stairs.

"Barney," Clint tried to follow him but lost sight of his dog between all the people on the sidewalk. "Where're you going?" Even his dog got bored of him.

Barney had two choices, HQ or Stark Tower. He had no idea where his second best friend was. He set eyes on the tower and decided to look there first.

JARVIS let him in, informing the Avengers about their little visitor.

"Barney," Cap scooped him up into his arms. "I missed you buddy."

Barney nuzzled Steve's neck, looking over his shoulder to find a trace of Phil.

"Doggiiieeee," Tony cheered. It was the first sign of happiness since Barton left.

"Why are you here? Is Clint here too?" Bruce put away his glasses.

"Agent Barton is not here, sir." JARVIS chimed up.

"Is he in trouble?" Steve asked worried.

_Depends on how you look at it_, "Woof."

"What are you looking for?" Bruce noticed that Barney's gaze wandered through the room.

Barney sniffed and sniffed but Phil's scent wasn't fresh.

"Are you looking for Phil?" Natasha appeared behind Bruce.

Oh he loved that woman, "Woof," he barked enthusiastically.

"He isn't here," she motioned him to follow her. "He's still in medical. Or rather in his office instead of resting in medical like he should."

Barney hopped off Steve's arms and followed her into the elevator. The Avengers decided to stay behind, it wasn't their business. Not yet anyway.

Barney hated rush-hour, waiting in a hot car while thousands of people honked and yelled was more than nerve-wrecking.

Thirty-five minutes later they reached HQ, Barney jumped out the open car window before Nat killed the engine.

He didn't need a scent to find Coulson's office, he knew the way. He had spent many hours there together with Clint. Sleeping on the couch or scaring fellow agents.

The door was locked and he couldn't open it. He whined with frustration while he scratched against the door. Phil was in there, he could smell it.

Phil stared at the door, he knew the sound. Barney's paws, scratching over the wood of his door. He put his hand on the doorknob before he even registered that he had moved.

He took a deep breath and opened the door, "Barney." Phil crouched down next to the young dog, scratching him behind his ears. "Oh, I missed you." He pulled his dog into a hug, clinging to him for dear life.

Barney barked happily, wiggling his tail. He had missed the man too. His scent was soothing and gave him hope just like he gave Phil hope with appearing in front of his door.

Phil's happiness faded as a horrible thought crossed his mind, "Did something happen to Clint?"

Barney put a paw on top of Phil's knee in a reassuring manor before he pulled on his trousers with his teeth, urging him to follow him.

Phil did what Barney wanted and followed him. After an hour they stopped in front of an apartment complex. The neighborhood was whether shabby nor rich, it was a nice place to live at when you belong to the better paid employees in town.

An old woman opened the front door and let them in, she was on her way to shop for groceries. She knew the dog and thought Phil belonged to William. It made her happy to see that the young man wasn't as lonely as it seemed.

Phil stared at the door of apartment 408. It was one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s safe houses. He knew that because he helped Fury to find suitable objects to build a network of safe houses around the world. He lacked the gut to knock so he decided to pick the lock and let himself in. It was better than getting the door slammed into his face.

Phil heard the safety lock of a gun, he turned around. Seeing his husband, well and alive, took a weight off of his mind.

Clint didn't lower the gun but his gaze wandered from Phil to Barney. The dog hung his head, laying down in front of Phil's feet. Barton returned his attention to Phil, the older man looked terrible. The circles under his eyes got darker, his skin lost even more color and he didn't fill out his tailored suit.

Phil remained silent, holding Clint's gaze while he ignored the gun aimed at his head.

The archer finally lowered the gun and put the safety lock back on, "Why are you here?"

"To take you home," Phil's eyes followed Clint's every move.

"So you can accuse me of cheating again? Look, I have no idea how I ended up pregnant even though you're infertile but she is yours."

"I got tested again. I had to know," Phil swallowed hard. "I'm able to father children, I don't know why and to be honest I don't care. All I know is that she's mine, and yours. I'm sorry."

"So you can knock me up?" Clint felt lightheaded.

"I can," Phil moved closer but Clint stopped him with a wave of his hand. "I'm sorry I accused you of cheating. I- I'm insecure and let the fact affect our relationship. I'm sorry for that. And the moment you told me you're pregnant I-,..., I was sure I can't create a baby, Clint. I believed I'm useless in that regard. An affair was the most plausible explanation for your pregnancy."

Clint closed his eyes for a moment he felt dizzy, he opened his eyes as strong arms enclosed him. He felt safe in his husbands arms despite the tiny fear that warned him from violence.

"Sit down," Phil guided him to the couch before he got a bottle of water. "Drink, slowly."

Clint nursed the bottle of water Phil gave him.

"Drink, it's not poisoned," Phil sat down next to the archer, not close enough to touch but close enough to feel his body heat.

"You hurt me," he finally drank some water.

"I know."

"Why?"

"What exactly? I did a lot of stupid things."

"Why doubting us?"

"I'm fifty Clint, I'm old and not as fit as I used to be. There are things I can't give you, or at least I thought I couldn't," he pointed at Clint's swollen belly. "A pretty girl can give you pretty children and a real home. A younger man can protect you better than I can, he can satisfy you more."

Clint exhaled loudly, "I would never have married you if I wanted a wife and kids. Adopting kids with you was what I dreamed of. I don't want a younger and, more potent, man. I want the man I love. I don't love you because you satisfy me. I love you because I love to talk to you, I love to laugh with you, to joke around, to have you around. Holding hands and cuddling is way more satisfying than sex, Phil. I though you knew all that."

"Deep down I do but..., call it midlife crisis. I doubt my worth, you're too good for me."

Clint began to understand what Phil was feeling, it still hurt but it made a lot more sense.

After ten painfully uncomfortable minutes of silence, Clint took Phil's hand and placed it on his swollen stomach, "Say hello to your dad, sweetheart."

Phil went still, his mind completely blank. He could feel a soft flutter within the bond, her presence beneath his palm, "Oh my..."

Clint smiled his first true smile in weeks, "she's happy."

Phil remembered how to think, "Hi little one. Nice to meet you." He scooted closer to Clint, leaning into his personal space. "That's incredible."

"Our girl," Clint whispered against Phil's cheek. "Do you want to keep her?"

Phil stared at Clint with wide eyes, "What?"

"I-, I never asked if you want her. I made the decision without you."

"Of course I want her, she's a part of you and me. She's our baby. Call me insane but I thank Loki for your gift and my, ability to impregnate you. I want her, Clint. I want her so much." The doctors crushed his dream to have children at the age of eighteen. The world stopped turning the moment he heard the word infertile and incapable to have children of his own. He mourned the children he would never have, avoiding day care facilities, play grounds and children in general until the pain faded into a dull ache whenever he saw happy families.

"I never thought I would be a father, sure I want children but...," Clint was scared to fail.

"You will be a wonderful father," Phil put an arm around the archer, pulling him against his side. "You will love her, spoil and educate her. She will love you to pieces."

"What if...?"

"You're nothing like your father or your brother, don't even go there. You are you, gentle, loving and able to provide everything a child needs. I may have doubts but not these things. I know what you're capable of and I know who you are." Phil kissed Clint's temple, one hand still on his husband's belly. It was hard to believe that his baby was growing in there. It was exciting and frightening at the same time.

"I'm not sure about me but I'm sure you will be the world's best dad. Your parents raised you well and your aunt did a damn fine job too," Clint leaned into the embrace. "You will make a righteous girl out of her."

"Of course I will," Phil's eyes were glued to his husband's lips. The cut was gone and there was no trace of a bruise left, as if it never happened. But it did, haunting him every night.

Clint was oblivious to Phil's inner struggle regarding his punch to Clint's face. The archer was tired and not able to comprehend what was happening around him. He fell asleep in Phil's arms.

Phil pecked Clint's lip before he laid him down on the couch, tucking him in. Clint snuggled into the fleece blanket's soft fabric while a content sigh passed his lips.

Coulson sat down in front of the couch, watching over his family.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Phil came by every day for over a week. He left his paperwork at work and focused on his family. Clint asked him about his work two days after they met again. Phil smiled at his husband and said that his work could wait. Hearing such a comment from Phil felt like a peace offering, or rather making amends for his crime.

"Dinner is ready," Phil did most cores around the apartment.

Clint put down his paperwork, he was still an analyst, "Smells nice."

"It's your favorite," the agent waited patiently for his husband to join him in the kitchen.

Clint enjoyed dinner with his husband but the distance between them was still there. They spent the day together but it was like walking on eggshells around each other. Phil was careful not to touch him too much, especially out of the blue, and Clint didn't know what to say to break the invisible barrier between them.

"You should take a break," Phil sat on the couch next to Clint, avoiding body contact if he could help it. Clint's beaten face still haunted his dreams and the hint of fear in his husband's eyes whenever he moved too fast burned through his soul.

"You're the one who could need a break," Clint put his laptop away. "You don't look well."

"I'm fine," Phil argued. He didn't want to sleep.

"No, you're not."

"But I will be," the older man smiled despite his depression. "Can I?" He looked at Clint's stomach.

"You don't have to ask," Clint shifted into a more comfortable position before he lifted up his shirt.

Phil's hand stopped inches from Clint's belly, not sure if it would cause discomfort for Clint or not.

The archer took Phil's hand and kissed his palm, "don't worry." He moved their hands to his belly, holding Phil's hand firm in place on top of it.

Coulson swallowed hard, closing his eyes. Clint's skin was so warm beneath his palm. He loved touching his husband, not only in a sexual way. He felt close to Clint whenever their skin connected, be it holding hands, a hug or sex. Phil was painfully aware of the fact that he threw it all away, all they had and all they could have. He threw it away because he was too proud to listen. To hurt to think straight.

Clint watched his husband like the Hawk he was. Phil was lost in his thoughts and his expression mirrored his mind's darker sides. Something haunted him. Something tortured him. But there was nothing he could do to help.

Their baby girl sent a happy flutter through the bond, taking her daddies by surprise. Phil's eyes opened instantly. He stared at his hand on the belly and let his gaze wander to his lover.

Clint's eyes were glued to his husbands slightly parted lips and the expression of wonder on his handsome face was plain adorable. He leaned forward and captured his soft lips with his own.

The kiss was slow and meaningful. Phil was unprepared and his mind needed a moment to register what was happening but he kissed happily back.

He needed Clint, he needed him so much.

"Come," the exhaustion in is handler's eyes grew. "Let's go to bed."

"I'm not up to naughty business," Phil caressed Clint's cheek. Slightly ashamed after the confession that he couldn't get it up.

"No sex," Clint led him into the bedroom. "Just sleep."

Phil borrowed one of Clint's shirts and crawled hesitantly into bed with his archer.

Barton pulled Phil's head onto his chest and placed their interlaced hands on top of his swollen stomach, "Sleep, Phil. You need it."

The agent closed his eyes, listening to his lover's heartbeat. It was way too fast, not soothing as it used to be. "Is she the cause your hearts beat so wildly or is it my fault?"

"It's the pregnancy," it truly was. Having Phil in his arms was soothing.

"You need more rest."

"That's the plan," Clint said amused. "Good night."

"Good night, love." After staring at the by moonshine illuminated baby belly for a long time, Phil finally closed his eyes and let the bond and his baby lull him to sleep.

It was the first night after their fall out that Phil slept peacefully, nine hours straight. Maybe their marriage wasn't lost at all.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Here," Tony offered Clint his sandwich.

"Thank you," he took it with a smile, making Tony happy.

"Nice to have you back son. We missed you," Steve dumped three more pillows onto the couch.

"Missed you too," Clint took the pillows and build himself a comfortable nest. "You have to thank Barney for betraying me. In this case absolutely justified." He scratched the dog behind the ear.

It was awkward being home again, surrounded by his friends. He left them without a goodbye and they waited with open arms for his return.

"Yeah, good boy," Tony gestured Barney to follow him. Clint was sure Tony bought a steak for Barney or something.

"Can I?" Steve pointed at Clint's belly.

"Sure," it made him happy to know his family had his back.

"Wow," Steve gasped. "I can feel her," he envied his friend for a moment.

"Say hello to uncle Steve," Clint talked to his belly. "He will spoil you rotten, not as much as uncle Tony but enough to feel loved."

"Uncle Steve and uncle Tony?" Steve had tears in his eyes.

"Of course, you're family and you look too young for grandpa Steve," Clint chuckled.

"Grandpa," Steve frowned. "Uncle is fine."

"Thought so."

"Where is Phil?"

"HQ, something came up and he has to handle all the paperwork," Clint new Phil avoided him sometimes.

"He regrets hitting you," Steve was too observant for his own good but Clint loved that about him.

"I know," the archer let his fingers ghost over his lip and jaw. "I never thought he was able to raise his hand against me."

"It was a shock," Steve understood both sides.

"I know. We talked about it last week."

"You did?!"

"Yes. I understand his reasons but I need some time too. I got abused most of my life by people I loved. A part of my trust died that day, Steve. But I know that Phil will never repeat his mistake. I know him, he doesn't make the same mistake twice."

"That's a lot of trust."

"It's a last chance," one more hit and they were over. He endured enough pain to last a lifetime, he didn't need an abusive husband on top of it.

"Sounds fair," Steve turned on the T.V., "Super Nanny?"

"Sure," the archer leaned back, watching Super Nanny without Phil was strange but Steve made it alright. He wasn't alone, his daughter wasn't alone.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Clint had another appointment with Roe to make an ultrasound scan. "I know you're here," Clint said while he waited for the doctor. He could feel Phil.

"Hey," the agent gave him an insecure smile. "Why didn't you tell me?" He sounded so sad it broke Clint's heart. "I never got the chance to accompany you to one of your appointments."

"Then stop hiding from me," Clint reached out, offering Phil his hand.

The agent stepped closer and took Clint's hand into his own, "You're scared of me." He could feel it every time he moved too hastily or was in a sour mood.

"I can't lose my fear when you're never around. I have to relearn to read your intentions, I can't do that without you."

Phil took a shaky breath, squeezing Clint's hand, "I know."

Clint tugged his lover closer, Phil stumbled against the bed, "Heyyy." Coulson protested.

"I'm too excited to be sorry," Clint interlaced their fingers, resting their joined hands above his wildly beating heart.

"Your heartbeat is too fast," Phil worried. "That's not good for you."

"I know," he got meds against his high blood pressure. He wondered sometimes if he was strong enough to survive childbirth. He asked Roe for his opinion once and the older man told him with a grave expression that he couldn't answer the question. Giving birth bore many risks, even for strong and healthy women. No one could foretell the outcome.

"Clint?"

"I'm fine Phil, really."

Coulson kissed his lover, "I will be there, every step of the way. I'm not leaving you."

"I hope so," Clint returned the kiss. Doctor Roe's, 'aww aren't they cute,' forced them to part. They blushed furiously.

Phil watched in awe how his little baby moved inside his husband's belly. Doctor Roe said that Clint was right, it was a baby girl. She was healthy and strong much to their delight.

It felt so surreal to see her, her little head, hear tiny fingers and toes. She was so beautiful and perfect.

"Stubborn little gal," Roe shook his head. "She will out-stubborn both of you."

"She might become a doctor," Clint cheered. "Torturing the nurses and her fellow colleagues."

"No thank you, one Barton down here is more than enough. We love you Hawkeye but seeing you once a month is more than enough."

"Heyyy, that's mean," he whined dramatically.

"She will be an Agent, I'm sure of that." Roe scribbled something down on his clipboard, "She's a Coulson-Barton after all."

"I prefer a less dangerous profession for her," Phil disliked the thought that his girl could become an agent.

"Did you listen to your parent's?" Clint deadpanned, raising his brows.

"Shut up," Phil ordered.

Clint wore a smug grin, "Make me."

And Phil did, he captured his archer's mouth kissing him senseless.

"Love you too," Clint panted. Lips swollen from the kiss, "don't forget."

"Never again," Phil leaned forward continuing where they stopped seconds ago.

::::::::::::::::::::::

"What the hell were you thinking?" Phil yelled. Clint had joined the fight against Sabertooth and his men. "You're pregnant, Clint. In case you forgot."

Phil didn't trust his own eyes, as an arrow split a mutant's spine. The mutant had attacked him, wielding a huge knife. Phil wasn't prepared and had ducked just in time to avoid the first blow. A second later he heard the familiar sound of an arrow cutting the air. He looked up and caught sight of his pregnant lover. The archer stood on top of a thirty story building, gazing down at them.

"I didn't but he would have killed you," Clint followed them. He did that on a regular basis but it was the first time he got caught. He couldn't sit at home while his husband and friends risked their lives out there. He couldn't bear the thought of Phil dying without him around. What scared him most was one of the dreams he had since they ordered him to stay behind.

He dreamt about being in the tower, cooking dinner for his family. Their baby was still within his womb but it was about time for her to come. The scene shifted and he stood in the middle of their bedroom, surrounded by photos of Phil, and his buzzing phone in hand. Fury was on the other line, telling him how sorry he was and that Phil died in the line of duty. He was a hero and his death not useless. His legs gave out under him and the moment his knees touch the carpet he wakes up, every time.

"He could have killed YOU, and HER," Phil was so angry he shouted like a drill-sergeant.

Clint took a step back, he wasn't sure Phil could keep his hands to himself.

Phil made one step back too, he saw the fear in Clint's eyes and read the signs right. Some tension left the archer's haunted eyes once the distance between them grew.

"She needs you too," Clint couldn't bite back the anger that seeped into his voice.

"I will never meet her when you get yourself killed before she's born." That sounded mean even in his own ears.

"I can't lose you," Clint started to yell. "I can't do this without you."

"None of us will do anything when you get yourself killed. I don't want to bury both of you," Phil couldn't stop yelling. His anger was too strong. Their bond vibrated with anger and disappointment. Their friends could literally feel the tension around them.

"I was careful, I stayed far away and hid. It wasn't my smartest move but I don't regret saving you, but if it sooths your fears I will promise not to get myself killed _before_ she's born," Clint couldn't shake the feeling that Phil was more worried about the baby than about him.

"I can defend myself." He ignored Clint's snippy remark, he knew he aimed to hurt with that one.

"I'm your right hand man," Clint was damn proud of it.

"You're not on active duty," Phil gesticulated in an aggressive manner. "Your new job is plain and simple. Rest, stay out of trouble and keep the baby safe. Simple isn't it?"

That stung, "No. It isn't." Clint felt like crying he hated his mood swings and wondered how women lived with them, "It's not easy to sit at home, wondering if you come back in one piece or not. It's not easy to carry her. It's not easy to have mood swings, aching joints and cramps because you're not cut out to carry a child. It's not easy to handle cooing nurses and grinning doctors, watching you like a lab rat. It's not easy to attend prenatal classes without a partner because said partner is busy rescuing the world." He panted heavily.

Phil stared at him with open mouth, not expecting such an outburst.

"Come, sit down for a moment will ya," Tony shoved him out of the room. "Bed, now," he changed his mind. The archer needed more than sitting down. He needed sleep, lots of sleep.

Steve was angry too but considered it not wise to get into his friends face. They needed to talk about an alternative. Clint wasn't the kind of guy to stay back when shit hit the fan. His action showed that he was aware of his duty as a parent, and not ready to sacrifice his own life. It was a good sign.

"You should take a walk," Cap suggested. "Calm down."

Phil clenched his jaw ready to argue but in the end he did as he was told and took a long walk.

Tony kept Clint company until the young man fell asleep.

"How is he?" Steve waited in front of the apartment, leaning against the wall close to the elevator and arms crossed in front of his chest.

"He sleeps," Tony put an arm around Steve's middle. "I worry about him. The stress takes his toll. He doesn't look healthy."

"I noticed that too," the blond guided his lover to the elevator. "I give, what was his name Roe right? I give Dr. Roe a call."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Roe was anything but happy with his patient. "You need rest," he chided.

"I know," his head ached.

"You need more fluids, sleep and rest. And don't fight so much."

"I have a temper," Clint shrugged.

"Coulson and you are the most ill-tempered agents I know and I worked with all of them, including Fury and Hill."

"The funny thing is that we are still very much in love," Clint clung to his beliefs. "But we can't do it right."

"I saw you, the day Deuce stabbed you. His desperation broke my heart and I didn't know you back then."

"I have no idea why we can't talk like we used to." He missed their quiet nights on the couch, arm in arm and talking about god and the world. Their relationship worked very well for over ten years until now. _Is it the baby? Doesn't he love me anymore? _

"One more month to go," Roe hooked Clint up on an IV. "One month."

"About time," Clint chuckled. "I feel like I might burst any moment. I'm fat."

"Not fat. Pregnant, that's a difference." George injected a mild sedative into the IV line. "Sleep."

Clint closed his eyes and fell asleep almost immediately.

Phil returned from his two hour walk and went straight into his room. He moved as silently as possible. He could hear Clint breath, steady and regular, that meant his husband was asleep.

He slipped under the blanket without jostling his lover. He was proud of himself.

After a few thoughtful minutes he decided not to avoid body contact. He put an arm around Clint and snuggled closer. his fingers made contact with something familiar while they traced up and down his arm. An IV line. Phil switched on the lamp on the nightstand.

The IV bag was a little more than half-full. That explained why Clint slept so heavily, _the doctor must have sedated him. _

Phil's fingertips ghosted over Clint's handsome features, he had more wrinkles and his hair wasn't as faire as it used to be. It got a little darker over the years and it suited him well.

The last time he took some time to watch his husband so thoroughly was about two years ago, after a mission almost cost him his life. Clint's face wasn't the face of a 25 years old kid anymore. He looked his age but that made him even prettier in his eyes. Phil let his thumb slide over his archer's lip, staring longingly at them. Clint was so beautiful, it was hard to believe that he would turn 41 in a few months. Phil pressed their lips together, feeling slightly guilty for stealing a kiss. "I love you. I love you so much." His hand moved to Clint's cheek, caressing the smooth skin. He kissed him again.


	4. Fighting

Phil accompanied him to most appointments if the world mightiest villains permitted it.

Today was one of the days villains had other plans. Clint didn't have an appointment that day but he felt sick. He had cramps and headaches in addition to dizziness and shortness of breath.

"Clint?" Roe sounded surprised to see the archer.

"Hey Doc."

"What happened?" He checked his friend over but couldn't find an injury.

"I don't feel well," he described his symptoms and voiced his worries.

Roe ran a battery of tests and asked Dr. McKay and Kowalszik for help. He spent hours in med bay, luckily Phil was still busy with Bullseye and his crew. It was hard not to worry too much but he couldn't worry about two people at the same time, it would destroy him. His baby was his top priority right now, he could continue worrying about Phil afterwards. Their bond was still strong and steady. Phil was fine and not worried at all, just annoyed.

"Clint," Roe sat down next to him. Test results in hand.

"And?"

"Your baby is strong and healthy but you are not. The pregnancy is taking its toll on you. She consumes all your reserves and your body weakens. Your blood pressure is still too high. Your blood work is not okay and your heart not as strong as I would like."

"What does that mean George?" Clint wrapped his arms around his middle, protecting his kid from an invisible enemy.

"I'm not sure you'll make it." He lowered his gaze, "I'm sorry."

"So I will die," he stated absentminded. "And my baby?"

"I'm sure she will make it, I can't promise anything but I'm sure she will make it. Depends on all kinds of possible complications."

"I will die," Clint repeated.

"It's not a fact, Clint. There is a chance you might die, a high chance, but you beat the odds on a regular basis and we aren't always right. Maybe we look at it too seriously. Making up the worst instead of seeing the truth."

Clint took a deep breath, exhaling loudly, "Do me a favor."

"Yes?"

"Keep an eye on my family." Tears glittered in Clint's eyes, "save them whenever they end up in here." He spread his arms to emphasize his words.

"I promise," Roe fought against his own tears. "But you have to make a promise too."

"Okay."

"Fight."

:::::::::::::::::::::::

Phil wandered into medical the moment Clint intended to leave.

"Phil? Are you hurt?" Clint studied his husband. There wasn't any blood or visible wound.

"I was looking for you," the agent glared at a nurse who stopped to eavesdrop.

"For me?"

"You sent a hell of a lot negative feelings and I wasn't aware you had an appointment today."

"I don't feel well and wanted to make sure she's fine," Clint bent the truth.

"Is she?"

"Yes, strong like an ox."

"Good," Phil granted him a smile. "I reserved a table at the mess hall."

"Mess hall?" Clint blink dumbly.

"Our last date was five months ago," Phil reasoned. "And walking around in the city with a baby bump is not wise."

"A date?" Clint's face lit up. "Awesome sir."

Phil blushed, "Let's go," he took Clint's hand. The agents gave them funny looks as they walked through HQ, hand in hand. Phil hadn't exaggerated as he said he reserved a table.

Candles and home cooked food graced the table, Natasha stood watch to make sure no one touched anything on the table.

She winked at Clint before she vanished into thin air.

Phil filled his archer's glass with juice, making the young man blush with the gesture.

"Eat, you look like you need it," Phil gave him a fond smile. There was something in the agent's eyes Clint hadn't seen for months. Happiness.

"That's delicious," Clint talked around a mouthful of vegetables.

"I made it," his ears turned slightly pink.

"You?" Clint's smile was blinding. "Thank you." It was rare that that Phil prepared their dinner.

"I owe you for my angry outburst and lack of appreciation."

Barton put his fork down, moving his hand on top of Phil's, "You're forgiven." _You have done so much for me since then._

"I owe you though." He had to make up for the time they lost. Clint deserved his love even though he was a hothead and insufferable at times. But Clint was his insufferable hothead.

"Thank you for the beautiful date," Clint put all his love into the smile, and the bond.

Phil felt warm and fuzzy, "I love you."

"We love you too," Clint gave him a look he couldn't decipher, "we love you too."

The archer enjoyed the time he spent with his husband. After dinner they returned to their apartment and watched a movie before Phil showed him how much he loved him. The sex was loving and tender. Phil threatened him like glass but it was okay. God knew how much time he had left, he would take what he could get. He had tons of good memories he could take with him to the grave. He was loved. He wouldn't die as a no one somewhere in an alley. Dumped into an anonymous grave, not missed and forgotten for all eternity. No, he would be sorely missed and mourned. All his wishes came true. He'd hoped to live longer but life wasn't fair. He had a slim chance to make it though, but it was easier to come clean with the worst option. He had just two regrets. Leaving Phil alone and never getting to know his girl.

:::::::::::::::::::::::

"You're staying here, got it?" Phil ordered. The Avengers got a call from Fury about A.I.M. agents causing trouble.

Their relationship was a little bumpy the last few weeks but Phil did his best to care for Clint the way he deserved it, including prenatal classes, doctors appointments, dating and shopping, and Clint stayed home no matter what he saw on the news, respecting Phil's wishes.

"Yes," Clint gritted out. "I'm keeping her safe."

"I want you to keep both of you safe," Phil narrowed his eyes. "Please, Clint. Don't make me worry."

"You get two hours," Clint grabbed the collar of Phil's shirt with both hands and pulled him close. "And don't get yourself killed." He kissed him hard.

"Three hours," Phil cupped Clint's cheeks in his hands. He kissed Clint on the forehead before he dropped to one knee and kissed his belly. "I come back."

"I hope so," Clint whispered while he watched Phil go. "I hope so."

The archer switched on the T.V., waiting for news about his friends. There was nothing so he settled for a documentary about sharks. After four and a half hours JARVIS told him to switch the channel and Clint did as he was told. He was close to the edge and prayed that Phil was alright. He couldn't handle waiting for hours and the news gave him something to focus on.

Cap threw his shield at a man while Iron man and Hulk tried to prevent a building from collapsing.

Clint could feel Phil's fear and his fright increased the moment the building collapsed. "NO."

Clint could see Phil's shadow behind a few civilians. They got caught in the commotion. Clint couldn't see his lover anymore, dust and debris blocked the vision of the camera. He could see people run, hear them scream, Cap shielding a mother and her child. Tony hovered over all of them and Hulk lifted debris in search of survivors.

Clint was close to hyperventilating, _listen, listen, listen_, he told himself. To his relief the bond was still active, he feared nothing more than the moment their bond goes quiet.

Phil's heart hammered in his chest, fueled by adrenaline. He was hurt but not bad, at least it didn't feel that way.

Coulson tried to calm his lover down, he could feel his distress and felt bad for causing it. It was a close call but he was lucky enough to get out of there, unharmed. An abrasion and a few bruises, that was all.

Clint buried his face in his hands and let his tears fall. "He's fine, baby girl," he sobbed. "I can't do that. I can't. I finally understand how cop and firefighter wives feel. How can they live that way?"

A strong sense of comfort spread through his abdomen. He rubbed his belly, "I know sweetheart. I know."

Coulson dumped the rest of the op, the clean-up, on Maria and hurried home with his team in tow.

Phil stormed into the living room, startling Clint who was lost in thoughts.

"Phil," he got up and flung himself at his handler. He didn't mind all the dust and soot.

"I'm fine," Coulson kissed Clint's temple. "I'm fine."

"I saw it on the news, I saw the building collapse. And I saw you and the debris and dust and...,"

"Slow down, slow down."

"I can't leave you out of sight," Clint sighed angrily. He was angry at himself for not being able to keep his husband safe.

"Not again Clint," Phil warned. "I know you're frustrated but that's the price we have to pay for our little gift in there," he pointed at Clint's belly.

"No," Clint whispered barely audible. "That's not the price," he had a long talk with Roe again and Clint's body got weaker. He was still not sure the archer would make it. Clint still kept it a secret from Phil, he couldn't help it, how was he supposed to tell his husband that he would die, anyway? He thought about it a few times but chickened out. But he didn't let go of his hope, he owed them that much.

"Let me take a shower and we can cuddle afterwards, okay?" His husband didn't look well. He was pale and constantly tired. He trusted the medical staff to care for Clint but he wasn't sure Clint's body handled the pregnancy well. Clint wasn't a woman after all, his body wasn't made for children.

"Okay," Clint placed a kiss on Phil's neck.

"One week at the most," Phil nuzzled his lover's hair. "And your body can rest."

Phil was always so observant, Clint adored that. It meant he cared for him, "She's lazy."

"Like her daddy," Phil joked.

Clint laughed punching Phil in the chest, "asshole."

Phil gave him one last peck on the forehead before he made his way to the shower.

Steve and Tony spoiled him in the meantime, offering food and water and backrubs.

Natasha was silently laughing at him but he could see her gaze wander to his stomach ever so often.

Phil returned twenty minutes later, dressed in a pair of worn jeans and his favorite shirt.

They watched one and a half movies, or rather talked and argued about missions and villains for about 140 minutes ignoring the movie on the screen.

Phil started an argument about calculated risk and destroying mechanical wasps, Clint let out a frustrated sigh and reminded Phil to take a good look at his own behavior before he pointed at others.

"Loki's attack was the best example for unnecessary risks," the archer held Phil's gaze. The older man wasn't happy about the topic. Loki's attack was still a sore spot. It wasn't his intention to die but someone had to save his fellow agents. "It was necessary."

"He's a god, you knew how this would end," Clint's tone wasn't reproachful or angry, just sad and resigned.

"I thought you were gone, I hadn't much to lose," Phil's eyes softened.

Bruce shook his head in amusement while Nat sat in his lap, watching her friends banter. Steve elbowed Tony in the rib as he sighed melodramatically.

"Old fool, I love you anyway," Clint tried to stand up and cried out in pain, "Oh god." He held his belly.

"Clint," Coulson crouched down next to his husband.

"Obviously not... so... lazy," he breathed.

"Call S.H.I.E.L.D.," Phil ordered. "She's on her way." Knowing she would join them soon was exciting but seeing his lover suffer hurt.

" ." He tried to breathe through the pain. In and out. In and out.

Phil held Clint's hand, caressing his head with the other, "Hang on. You can do it. You're lucky they make a C-section, try to imagine you have to put up with birth pain for hours."

"Men are pussies," he huffed, admiring the female gender. He could hear Tony's chuckle and Steve's pained groan. Nat on the other side wore a very smug expression.

The paramedics made it in record time, using the Quinjet.

Roe and McKay were ready to perform a C-section. Phil got permission to join them, his job was to hold Clint's hand.

"Okay, Clint, you have to hold on. Do you understand?"

The archer nodded, he was alarmingly pale and Phil wondered why. He never witnessed a C-section but the amount of monitors attached to Clint was bothering him.

He focused his attention on his younger husband's face, he yearned to finally hold his daughter but seeing his lover cut open like a pig was too much to handle. He would see her soon enough. There was no need to take a peek. "Clint?"

Clint turned his head to look at Phil, he smiled. "Love you."

Phil's heart stuttered, resignation and sadness mixed with relief flooded the bond. That was not right, absolutely not right.

His husband's skin was white, sweat glittered on his forehead while the light in his eyes faded. "Clint?" _What's happening? Clint!_

Coulson panicked, searching for an answer on the doctors faces. He could see sadness but no surprise. _They knew. Whatever happens they expected it._

"Here she is," McKay cleaned the girl while Roe tended to Clint. Her cries were loud and healthy.

Clint's head rolled to the side, eyes searching for his child. His little laugh was filled with relief, "tell her... I love...her."

"You can tell her yourself," Phil squeezed Clint's hand, not ready to accepts the signs.

The nurse yelled something and one of the doctors gave out an order but Phil paid no attention.

"sor-ry," Clint's eyes rolled back into his head and the heart monitor began screaming.

"No, no, no, no," Phil chanted. "You can't go, you can't."

The look in Clint's eyes, his neediness for love, his brooding mood, the machines, two doctors, five nurses, all that started to make sense. Clint knew he was going to die. He knew he would give his life for hers.

If he had known the risk he had begged for an abortion. As much as he loved the baby, as much as he wanted a child, he was not ready to give up his archer. Not even for a child.

Phil vowed to himself, if Clint pulled through their girl would remain an only child.

"Wake up," Phil cried. "Fight, Clint, fight." He caressed his husbands cheek, frantically.

A nurse urged him to step away and let them work. Phil obeyed but stayed close. He stared at his lover, the medical staff tried to reanimate him, hooking him up on IV's. A clear liquid and blood. Syringes. Defibrillator. Shouts and prayers and curses.

Phil tried to concentrate, the bond was fading but not if he could help it. Coulson pulled on the bond, he pulled and pulled and pulled. Sending love, devotion, promises. Never letting go of the bond. He tried to pull Clint's soul towards himself, preventing it to be swallowed by darkness. "Come on, come on."

There was a flicker, a hint of life. "COME ON!" He yelled, "KEEP ON FIGHTING," pulling even stronger on the bond they shared, _come home, come home._

The heart monitor beeped, stopped and beeped again. Beep, beep, beep.

"That's good, love, fight." He laughed hysterically, "You stubborn SOB."

The medical team stabilized Clint and ushered Phil out of the room. They order him to get a coffee and wait for a nurse to collect him.

"Phil? How are they?" Tony asked happily.

Phil let out the breath he was holding and fell down on his knees, his body trembled like an aspen leaf.

"Phil?" Natasha put her arms around him, holding him tight.

"Coulson?" Fury let it sound like an order in hope to reach his friend.

"He might live," he breathed way too fast.

"What?" Steve dropped onto the chair behind him.

"His body couldn't handle his pregnancy and he knew that," Phil sobbed. "He knew that."

Nick stopped a nurse and ordered her to get information and explain what the hell happened. She obeyed and returned ten minutes later.

Coulson was still out of it and not able to explain what he had seen.

What ever happened shook him to the core.

"So?" Nick grunted at the nurse.

"Agent Barton lost consciousness during surgery, his body was too weak to handle the birth.

The possibility of heart failure was known to the doctors and Agent Barton.

Unfortunately in addition to that he suffered from inner bleedings. His daughter is fine. Barton himself died for over one minute but McKay was able to reanimate him. His condition is stable, but he isn't out of the wood yet."

"Thank you, dismissed." Fury looked visibly shaken. No one had a clue about his true condition, he was a master of pretending.

"Agent Coulson," a young nurse appeared. Carrying a bundle. "Your daughter." She gave him an encouraging smile.

Phil's eyes widened for a fraction, she had Clint's eyes and Phil's dark hair. He couldn't look at her, he couldn't look into Clint's eyes. He turned his head away. "I can't."

"But Phil," Natasha looked shocked. "She's your daughter."

"Can I see my husband?" He ignored her.

"Five more minutes. They prepare his room in ICU."

"Inform me immediately," Phil ordered.

"Yes, sir." She looked a little lost with the baby in her arms.

"I take her," Natasha offered, reaching for the tiny girl. "How's her name?"

Phil remained silent. He knew Clint had a few names he liked but they never truly thought about it. Clint told him one day to come up with names he liked but they never talked about the result.

"We can call her Virginia," Tony offered, thinking of Pepper.

"Katie," Phil whispered not audible.

"What was that?" Tony urged.

Phil continued avoiding to look at her, "Katherine Natalia Antonia Barton-Coulson."

"Katherine?" Natasha loved the fact that her second name was Natalia. "Welcome, Katie."

"Pretty name," Steve offered Katie his finger to hold. The name Antonia moved Tony to tears of joy, not that he would let them fall in public or admit to be moved by the gesture.

"Clint likes them," Phil mumbled. The bond was intact but weak.

"Come with me Agent, five minutes are up."

Phil unfolded his hands and got up, "Show me the way."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Phil held vigil for two days, praying and fighting with help of the bond against death.

"Phil?" Clint opened his bleary eyes. He felt horrible and disorientated.

"Clint," Phil got up so fast he almost knocked his chair over. "You got me worried for a while," he placed butterfly kisses along Clint's cheekbone.

"What happened?" His mind was fuzzy.

"You barely survived the C-section." Phil's tone of voices sounded bitter.

Clint's hands wandered to his flat abdomen, "our baby?!" He panicked, "where is our baby?" A nurse hurried into the room, checking his vitals and urging him to calm down.

"She's fine," Phil assured. "Natasha takes care of her."

"Nat?" _Why Nat?_

Phil returned to his seat and hid his eyes behind his hand, "I couldn't stand her presence." He confessed.

"She's your daughter."

"She almost got you killed, and you let her." Tears threatened to fall.

"It wasn't her fault," Clint argued. Suddenly less tired than before.

"I know but,..., she has your eyes," Phil lowered his hand and Clint could see the terror and pain in his husbands eyes.

"I'm sorry Phil," the archer reached for Phil's hand. "I'm so sorry. Roe told me about the risk around two weeks ago. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell you that I might die. How do you tell the one you love that you have to go?" He licked his dry lips, "I don't regret getting her though." It pained him to see that Phil wasn't able to bond with his daughter because of the terror in his heart. A big part of Phil's soul shattered during his battle against death.

"She stays an only child, do you understand?" Phil was dead serious. "I will not lose you."

Clint closed his eyes, "Okay," he whispered before he fell asleep.

The next time he awoke he could feel pressure on his chest and warmth. He forced his eyes open and the first thing he saw was his beautiful baby girl laying on his chest, fast asleep. Phil held her in place with one hand, in case Clint or Katie moved.

"She's beautiful," he lifted an arm, curling it around his kid. "She has your hair and your features." Clint said in awe. "She will be a beauty."

"She got your eyes and I think her features resemble yours not mine," Phil said amused. He was in a good mood. His husband would live, his baby was healthy and his world was still in one piece.

"I love you more and more with each passing day," Clint's eyes remained glued to his daughter but he could feel Phil's response. He was glad that Phil brought her along, keeping her close.

"Love you too," he watched his little family.

"How do we name her?"

"She already has a name."

"Oh, you didn't let Tony chose did you?" Clint grimaced, coaxing a laugh out of his husband.

"No, don't worry. I don't hate her." He just had some trouble to keep his memories at bay.

"Good to know," Barton huffed. It was obvious by the way Phil the bond sparkled that Phil was happy beyond belief.

"Her name is Katherine Natalia Antonia Barton-Coulson. They already nicknamed her Katie."

"What?" Clint asked shocked, looking at his lover. Searching for a sign that he was kidding but all he could find on his husbands handsome face was honesty and happiness.

"You like these names, don't you?"

"Yes, but..."

"No but," Phil interrupted. "I love the names. I love you and I love everything that reminds me of you."

"You can choose at least one of the names," Clint offered.

"No," his decision was final. "She's our Katie. She might become a second Hawkeye."

"Naw, she'll be a bad-ass agent a la Coulson, making Hill's life a living hell."

"Hm, I like that." A grin tugged on the corner of his mouth.

"Knew you would." Clint's eyelids grew heavy.

"Get some sleep, we will be here when you wake up," Phil got onto the bed, curling himself around his husband.

Nobody will ever confess to secretly taking a photo but Katie-Clint-Phil peacefully cuddling in the hospital bed, but the picture would grace S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Christmas cards for years. Reminding all the agents that it was indeed possible to be happy despite being an agent.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Home sweet home," Clint carried their girl into the apartment.

"Tony finished her room," Phil warned. They had started to paint her room and decorate but villains got in their way more often than not. They wanted to do it together because it was their project, parents had to do it, hand in hand, to give the room a soul.

Clint peeked into the room before he entered with Katie. With Tony you could never know what was dangerous and what not.

"Wow, look at that Katie," he did a 360, showing her the room. The room was very spacious like every room in the tower. The wall was painted in a warm peach-color, decorated with self-painted animals and fairies. Her crib was custom-made by Steve, he worked for days on the crib. He chose a warm colored wood. Natasha provided bedclothes for her and towels, and blankets, and most of her clothes. Nick installed a custom-made baby phone, not trusting JARVIS with the life of his 'granddaughter'. He wasn't sure why but it was the way he felt. He was too old to be uncle Nick. Bruce bought her toys and stuffed animals. She loved her plush bunny. Tony made the room childproof and created a playlist, for her very own hi-fi equipment, with songs for children, classical music and audio books. Pepper chose the curtains and the carpet. Phil was sure she bought some clothes too. She was a woman after all.

"Homely, isn't it sweetheart?" Clint kissed her cheek. Happy to have a home. She wouldn't have grow up the way he did.

"You're a very lucky young lady," Phil put his arms around them from behind, pressing his chest against Clint's back. He was proud that he was able to afford a life without sacrifices. They had food, clothes, a roof over their heads and love.

"I had a creaky bed and worn down sheets," Clint remembered. "She's indeed very lucky."

"I know. You can be proud of yourself. From the gutter into Stark Tower."

"More importantly from being alone to having a family," Clint tilted his head back, enjoying Phil's hot breath against his scalp.

"You, Katie and I." That was all he needed in the world.

"Woof."

"And Barney of course," Phil added, kissing the top of Clint's head.

Katie gurgled happily, beaming at her dads.

Clint let out a content sigh, "Life is awesome."

"Life is awesome," Phil agreed.

Barney agreed, too, before he fell asleep next to the crib. He made it his duty to keep their precious treasure safe while his friends deserved some quality time.

Clint put her into the crib, grinning like an idiot. "I can't believe she's real. She's ours. Our little miracle. All those months, she was nothing more than a presence in my mind, a miracle beneath my palm..., and my death sentence. But here we are," he turned around to look at Phil with his bright blue eyes. "Alive and together."

Phil flinched, he didn't know what to say. It was hard to come to terms with Clint's miraculous surviving because he couldn't shake the feeling that they cheated death. Phil held on to their bond, not giving up. Clint fought and clung to their inner strength like he would to a life line.

Phil's mind returned to the real world as two strong hands touched his face.

"We were stronger," Clint stated serious. "We won because we're strong. Our love is invincible, Phil. We fight, we yell, we aim to hurt but in the end we stand together. Fighting for all its worth, succeeding against all odds, because we are meant to be together. Because we want to be together. Our hearts beat as one, never doubt that. Never give in. We will cheat death until the day he gives up trying," he sealed his rant with a kiss.

Phil melted into the kiss, his whole body felt light as a feather. Their shared emotions taking him to new heights. Clint was right, destiny bound them together. "That was convincing," he panted heavily, sliding his hand under Clint's shirt.

"Let's move this elsewhere," Clint grinned.


	5. Unbeatable

It was three in the morning and Katie cried and cried and cried.

"It's your turn," Phil mumbled into his pillow.

The archer got up and waddle into the nursery, "Hey baby girl what's wrong?" She couldn't be hungry again and her diaper was still clean. "Hey?" He picked her up and started pacing. Rocking her gently in his arms. They lost their connection the day she was born, he couldn't sense her anymore inside his mind. It was better that way Clint was sure about that but the loss left a little hole nonetheless. She was his daughter not his lover, she would leave one day and start her own family. Having her parents inside her mind 24/7 would have been a heavy burden. "What do you need Katie?" He felt bad for not knowing it. "Give me a hint."

He started to sing, the idea was born out of desperation. She seemed to like it and stopped crying after the second song. She sniffled softly, looking up at her daddy with her watery baby blue eyes.

Clint smiled down at her, "You're so sweet and pure just the way you are. Mama's precious jewel, daddy's rising star. There' so much in life for you to see, and so much to be. You're heaven's gift to me." (A./N.: "Wiccan Lullaby" by Gypsy. Sadly not mine.)

Phil leaned against the doorframe, he intended to help his husband but it seemed not necessary anymore. He watched them with a fond smile while he hid in the shadows. He didn't want to disturb them. All he wanted right now was to internalize what he was seeing. Clint looked way healthier than two months ago. The first week, after they released him from medical, was terrifying. His husband looked so fragile and vulnerable, traits he normally didn't associate with the archer. He still remembered their first night rather vividly. Love and passion led to a steamy night. It didn't harm Clint but Phil blamed himself for wearing him out, because it could have killed him. His heart and body needed time.

It was hard to believe that their little one was two months old, he remembered every detail as if it happened yesterday. Some nights he woke up bathed in sweat, screaming for Clint.

Nick personally dragged him into Gordon's office. The younger man gave him a suffering look before he promised Nick to take care of him.

It was kinda embarrassing to open up to Gordon. He was Clint's friend and that made it even more scary. Gordon knew them both and that very well.

"What are you thinking about?" Clint whispered. Phil was so lost in thoughts that he missed how Clint put her back into the crib and stepped out of the room.

"Just making memories. Where did you learn that song?"

"Rubina taught it to me, back in my carny days. She was a gypsy and had a daughter around my age. She sang it to us at night. She cared for me. She tried to keep me fed and lurked around my trailer, listening for nightmares. I think she was a psychic, she always knew what was going on. She was always there when I needed someone."

"So the first person from your past I don't have to shoot?"

"Nope, she's harmless," Clint yawned. "Let's go back to bed, I'm tired and so are you."

Phil chuckled and followed his husband back to bed.

::::::::::::::::::::::

"I told you I'm fine," Clint pouted.

"Just stress, no reason to worry Agent Coulson," the doctor put away his stethoscope.

"Thank you doctor," Phil straightened his back. "Briefing room 4 in fifteen."

"Yes, sir," Clint mock saluted.

"What is his problem?" The young doctor was fairly new to S.H.I.E.L.D. and had no idea who they are.

"Boss-man is a little overprotective at times, that makes him such a good handler."

"Someone's here to see you," McKay carried Katie into the room.

"Hey baby girl," the archer reached out to take her into his arms. "Where is Black Widow?"

"Fury ordered her up into his office, and the Avengers are busy. Coulson chews them out for cutting off the arm of our dear Statue of Liberty."

"Aww," the doctor grimaced. "How did that happen?"

"Believe me," Clint played with his girl. "You don't want to know."

"Okay," the young man did believe him. "She's cute, how old is she?"

"Three months."

"Where is her mommy?"

The silence that followed the question was awkward.

"I'm his mommy," Clint finally said.

"Did you and your partner adopt her?"

"He is her biological mother," McKay explained. "A Norse God altered his body."

"Wow."

"Yes, wow." Clint raised a brow, "just wait and see. S.H.I.E.L.D.'s up for a lot of surprises."

"Who's the father," he just truly realized that the agent in front of him was gay.

"I think that's one more information you don't want to have," McKay smirked knowingly.

"I give up," the doc threw up his hands and left with the mission to figure it out on his own.

"Natasha said you had trouble breathing?" McKay tickled Katie.

"I saw Juggernaut and Sandman attack a money transporter. Phil was halfway across the street before I fully registered what was happening, because Phil is Phil. Our team arrived in no time fighting them off, almost decapitating the statue of liberty while they were at it. All I could think of was, 'I have to protect my child, I can't join because I have to protect her'. The moment Phil left my line of vision... I freaked out. She had my protection but who protected Phil? He was on his own, Tony was busy, Steve too, Bruce is a walking time bomb. What happened today scared me. I want to go back in the field or Phil has to leave the field for a while. I need him even more than I needed him before." Not that he believed that would ever happen.

Phil stood in front of the treatment room, listening to what was said. He did what he did that day for the same reason Clint did what he thought was right. He wanted to protect his family. It was his goal to keep Juggernaut and Sandman away from Clint and Katie.

The horrified look on Clint's face after the battle was over tore on his heart. He was so pale, his breathing too fast and he could see how his hands trembled while he pressed Katie close to his chest. Phil had approached him slowly, scared to tick him off. The ride to medical was silent and tense. Phil worried that Clint might get an heart attack. He could feel how hard Clint's heart hammered in his chest.

It was true he was terribly overprotective since Katie was born. It was the fifth time Phil order Clint into medical even though he was fine.

Phil schooled his composure and knocked before he entered, "Didn't I say in fifteen?"

"Nah, heard you were busy chewing their asses out," Katie gurgled happily. "See, definitely your daughter, laughing at our poor comrades."

"They deserved it," Phil deadpanned. "Come, time for dinner." It was time to introduce Coulson's and Hawkeyes's little offspring to S.H.I.E.L.D.

Clint followed his husband to the mess hall, he got a hold on the last unoccupied table while Phil got their dinner.

"Oh god," a young woman cheered, "She's so cute."

"Thank you," Clint beamed. He was proud to be a daddy.

"What's her name?" The woman next to her asked.

"Katie."

"Justin, look a baby." A third woman nudged a fourth, male, comrade into the side.

"I can see that," he grumbled.

"What's your problem Justin? She's so cute can't you see that?"

"Babies are babies," he stated. "Now hurry up we have forty minutes before Agent Coulson holds one of his 'how stupid are you' speeches."

Woman number one sighed deeply, "don't remind me."

"What did you do?" Clint grinned. "Willful damage to property? Filled out your paperwork incorrectly? Did one of you wrinkle his suit?" The child in the man's arm gurgled with glee.

"We accidently blew away a wall in R&D, his suit got wrinkled in the progress and we accidently filled out the wrong form," woman number three confessed.

Clint laughed, Phil had told him about a group of idiot fledglings who tried to play adult Agents with experimental weapons so it wasn't too hard to guess what they had done to piss off Coulson. They ruined one of Phil's favorite suits, the dust wouldn't come off without scraping the fabric, the poor old Asian lady owning the laundry shop close by almost burst out in tears at the question if she could save the suit. She sniffed that she wasn't a magician and they should stop to get slime, blood, grime and innards on the suits. Phil took pity on her and threw the suit away.

"I think you might get special training instead of a lecture," Clint shifted his girl's position. His arms was going numb.

"For example?" The man asked.

"Agent 13 is famous for her survival training. One month, the rainforest, 110 pound equipment, snakes, critters and forced marches."

"That's a brilliant idea Specialist," Phil put down the tray and arranged the plates.

"Agent Coulson, sir." They said in unison, saluting.

"Smarming the boss?" Clint took the baby bottle and fed Katie. Attracting a lot of attention while she happily munched away.

Two of the women blushed, "No." The third stuttered barely noticeable.

"I still think Barton's idea is good," the agent watched his baby eat. The look on Clint's face while he watched her eat took Phil's breath away. "Now leave. I deserve a break once in a while."

"Once in a while?" Clint looked up, "I saw you for three hours yesterday, because they blew up the lab. Five hours the day before, two hours before that. At least we had one and a half days last week." He wasn't angry, not really. Their job was important and he understood, he was just a little worried Phil would miss out on important things. Like her first word, her fist steps and things like that. To be honest he felt lonely too, he had to get up all night for her while Phil saved the world. He fed her, he sang for her, he played with her, he watched out for her, he gave up his job for her. Not forever but for a while. Sometimes the rift between Phil and Katie seemed unbearable huge. As if he was running from her. Maybe he was but he made the most of it whenever he was at home. He read her stories, his voice seemed to do wonders. He held her awkwardly against his chest, cautious not to break her like a porcelain doll. Clint assumed that his brush with death had somehow fractured the bond between Phil and Katie. It was possible that just holding her triggered something in Phil's maltreated mind.

The expression on his face when he held her was so different from when he watched Clint hold her. He was scared of his daughter but in love with his family. Clint decided to pay Gordon a visit and drop a few hints.

"I thought about taking personal leave for a while."

"What?" They forgot all about the four fledglings who chose to occupy the table to their left.

"You were right, you know. About me being in the field."

"You heard us?" Katie stopped eating and gave Phil a funny look.

"Yes," he confessed. "I want to spend the next two months at home. We can ask Steve and Tasha for help. I'd like to take you out on dates again."

"You don't have to do that," Clint used the bond to prove that he meant what he said.

"I know," he knew Clint would never tell him, what he told McKay, in person. Therefore he respected Coulson too much. "But I think I have to. For us." He pointed from himself to Katie. Phil was aware of the fact that he didn't share closeness with Katie than Clint did. He was disappointed with himself for neglecting her.

"She loves her dad," he was sure of that. "She will not love you less for being scared, love."

Clint rolled his eyes as he heard a soft gasp to his left. He picked up his fork and threw it without looking, nailing woman number three's sleeve to the table. "Eavesdropping is rude."

"S-sorry, sir."

"Hawkeye stop scaring the kids, you're on maternity leave." Fury sat down next to Clint, snatching his little granddaughter out of Clint's arms. "Hey Katie, are mommy and daddy causing trouble again? Yeah, I thought so." He got up, "take the day off, that's an order. I'll bring her back at 6 pm."

"But...," Clint wanted to argue but Phil took his hand.

"I think we could use some time alone."

The archer thought about it before he agreed, "Okay, but don't spoil her rotten."

"I'm Nick Fury," he stated matter of fact, as if his name was an answer. Maybe it was. Agents would think he dumps her onto his secretary once he was out of sight, his family knew he would definitely spoil her.

"What was I thinking when I joined you?" Clint sighed dramatically.  
"Food and a roof about your head, and how awesome we are," Nick clicked his tongue and vanished with his little protégé.

Clint looked aghast, "Don't say a word."

Phil laughed, "Let's go home." He had a huge list inside his head of things he wanted to do.

They stopped at their favorite bakery on their way home to get their favorite pastries before they made themselves comfortable on their sofa.

Phil sat in the corner of the sofa while Clint lay on it, head on Phil's lap.

The movie wasn't particularly thrilling and Phil's gaze strayed from the screen to Clint on a regular basis. He looked healthy, a bit tired but strong. He gained some muscles mass due to his hard training after Roe permitted entrance to the firing range. No shadows under his eyes even though Katie kept him up all night. He got two more wrinkles around his eyes from all the smiling and laughing, and a line on his forehead was deeper. Most likely cause by worry. Phil moved his hand form Clint's shoulder to his belly. Tracing the scar beneath the shirt.

Clint held onto Phil's hand, keeping it still, "I'm fine."

"I know."

"You have to let go Phil," Clint rubbed his cheek against Phil's leg.

"It's hard. How do you do that?"

"I have you," he was the simple answer. "And I have her. I have S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers."

"That's it?"

"You surely remember Deuce. You didn't behave that way back then. Something is different."

"We weren't parents back then. I didn't hit you back then. It wasn't supposed to be the best day of our lives either."

"Give it some time. You will see, it will get easier to look at her. To hold her. She's our miracle Phil. Don't tell me she wasn't worth the risk."

Part of the problem was that she was indeed worth the risk. Every time he looked into her eyes he thought, 'thank god,' but sometimes his mind led him astray and he could just think of Clint's brush with death. The smile on his face while he took his last breath as if his mission was done and it was time for him to leave. "I can't care for her on my own. I need you Clint. I can't be a single parent."

"You don't have to be." He feared the same, every single time Phil walked out that door.

"I never imagined that being a dad would be so scary," Phil tilted his head back, looking at the ceiling.

"I know what you mean. She's so fragile. She needs love en masse. Attention and devotion. Needs we have to satisfy. We have to be reliable and available at all times, especially when she gets older. We can't go on a two weeks mission and leave her with Steve. Our life the way we know it is pretty much over. Hell, I'm scared too. I never had to carry so much responsibility."

"You do a damn fine job with her," Phil admired him for that. "I handled agents, assets and villains most of my life but I can't handle my own child."

"You just have to try," Clint rolled over so he could look at Phil. "I'll teach you."

The older man nodded, it was time to handle his role as a dad.

They continued to cuddle until JARVIS announced Fury's arrival. He just stayed long enough to read her a bedtime story and inform Phil about the authorization of his requested two months of paternal leave.

One hour after they went to bed Katie decided she needed some attention. Clint snuck out of bed, trying not to wake Phil. The older man looked exhaust and deserved a good night's sleep after such a strenuous day.

"Hush, Katie. Don't wake your dad, he had a hard day." He tried to rock her back to sleep, "Come on Katie." She sat down on the rocking chair that miraculously showed up one and a half months ago. They bet on Tony but he denied his involvement, JARVIS on the other hand was more than eager to tell them how the billionaire smuggled the chair in while the Coulson-Barton family took a walk through the park.

"Let me take her," Phil reached for Katie, surprising his husband. Phil had watched them for a few minutes before he took a deep breath and walked into the room with the intention to be a good father.

Clint handed her over to him, showing how to hold her.

Phil looked like a schoolboy. Curious and excited. "Hey Katie. Can't sleep?"

Clint spread out a thick and plushy blanket on the ground. Both men sat down.

"Your daddy needs sleep too, he was up all day and most of last night," Phil said gently.

Clint felt sleepy, his husband's voice was steady and comforting. It was the voice Clint came to love all those years ago. The voice which guided him through many disastrous missions. The voice that formed the vows in front of the altar. The archer fell asleep with a smile on his face while he listened to his lover's beautiful voice. The image of Phil holding his girl, smiling fondly down at her, was anchored deep in his mind.

Barney found his family fast asleep on the comfy blanket in the middle of the nursery. Each of them with a smile on the face.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

It was time for S.H.I.E.L.D.'s annual new year's party. Katie turned one not too long ago and looked pretty in her purple dress. Most of her clothes were purple.

"You alright?" Steve handed his handler a glass, filled with whisky.

"No," he watched his husband 'dance' with their girl to a song he never heard before.

"What's making you so nervous?" Steve frowned, it was a day of joy.

"Nothing serious," Phil sipped on his drink.

"Agent Agent how did you get your hubby into a suit?" Tony was a little tipsy.

"He wears one every year," Hill answered for Phil. "Black suits with purple, blue or grey dress shirts. He's damn hot and your girl adorable." She was more than a little tipsy.

"She's right they are adorable," Gordon joined them. His husband made it his mission to cheer one of his team members up who suffered from a nasty break up so he used the chance to reconnect with old friends.

They watched Clint and Katie. They laughed and cheered while the spun around. Eyes sparkling with joy and contentment.

"I envy you," Danvers sighed. "How did you do that?"

"Tame a Hawk, guilt-trip a god and shag said Hawk senseless," Phil winked. Tony choke on his drink and Steve blushed furiously.

"TMI, Phil," Denvers shivered. It wasn't disgusted but turned on.

"Three more song," Nick put his arm around Hill.

"Three more songs? What does that mean?" Tony was too nosy not to ask after he filed away the info that Agent Agent was a naughty SOB.

"Wait and see," Phil thrust his glass into Tony's hand and made his way over to Clint. He picked their daughter up and raised his arms to let her 'fly'. "Sorry pretty lady but your dad wants to dance with your daddy really bad. Keep an I on uncle Tony for me okay?" Phil kissed her on the cheek before he handed her over to Steve.

Clint watched them with amusement. It made him happy that Phil learned how to handle their daughter and that he wasn't afraid anymore. Sure there were always situations where parents get scared but that was normal. It was part of being a parent.

"So you want to dance?" Clint asked slyly. "I remember a time you didn't appreciate the attention."

"You're rubbing off on me," Phil put his arms around Clint.

Clint rested his chin on Phil's shoulder and closed his eyes, "Don't ever change."

"Ditto." He was terribly nervous but he knew it was the right decision and he knew nothing bad would happen.

"Stop being so nervous, you're jittery all day."

Phil let out a laugh, "Maybe I was looking forward to tonight. Dancing with you, introducing our daughter to all the fledglings. So they know to watch out for our wrath should something happen to hear, or should I hear one wrong word regarding you."

Clint smiled but remained silent, he enjoyed the moment.

The song was about to change, that was the moment Phil was waiting for. He pushed Clint gently away and Nick handed him a mic.

"Phil?" Clint looked around in confusion.

"Over a decade ago, most of you might remember the event, I chose this event to ask your hand in marriage. You gave me the reply I prayed for. You said yes. Making me the happiest man on earth. Now we're standing here, older, wiser, with a beautiful baby girl. Our way to parenthood was rocky and dangerous but we did it. We reached an age most S.H.I.E.L.D. agents never reach, and to be honest none of us believed to get that far in life. So I want to use the chance to ask you anew. Do you want to marry me again? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Are you willing to hold on to me, even though I'm an old fool?" Phil felt like he just won a marathon.

Clint stared at him, body completely unmoving and expression unreadable. All the persons present held their breaths. The archer was shocked, Clint let the DJ play their song while he proposed again. Renewing their union. It was so sweet and thoughtful, Clint felt like melting into puddle of syrup.

Phil was ready to turn away as Clint's eyes lit up, harboring a million stars, "Yes," he gasped. "Of course," he flung himself at his husband kissing the agent senseless. The crowd cheered, Barney barked and Katie clapped her tiny hands the way the adults did. Her eyes were sparkling. She didn't know what exactly was going on but her daddies were happy, that was all she needed to know.

The Avengers raised their glasses in a toast. Wishing the couple all the best.

The End


End file.
